Duckface… Quick get the gun, it’s hunting season

Duckface

Facebook is good for 2 things. Its great for people to laugh at photos of friends passed out in an embarrassing pose at parties. Its also great for people to let their boss know that they smoked so much weed on the weekend that they could shit out a hemp rope on Monday morning. I have found a third use for it recently though… Duck hunting.

Don’t worry, I’m not talking about those cute fluffy things that live in ponds, I mean those not so cute orange thing that live in bars. Duckface is that thing girls do whenever a camera is around. They push their mouths out into a sort of half kiss to make it look like they have big pouty lips (they don’t), a defined jawline (they don’t) and model looks (they don’t). Its called a ‘duckface’ and girls need to stop it now. It isn’t sexy… You look like Donald Ducks retarded cousin and I am seriously tempted to carry some bread in my pocket so that I have something to throw at them.

Why do girls do the Duckface?

I assume that the reason girls go for the duckface in photos because they think that it makes them attractive to the opposite sex? That perhaps might be true… If the opposite sex is a mallard. Although now there seems to be a worrying trend where more and more guys doing it in photos as well.

When you pull  a duckface you look like Donald Ducks retarded cousin

I’ve worked as a nightclub DJ for many years and every weekend I see flash after flash of cameras as groups of girls immortalise their latest bender by hugging their ‘besties’ and looking like they are struggling to squeeze out a dump.  If you are still unsure of what I’m talking about, take a look at this montage video where a girl pulls exactly the same expression in every single photo.

How to spot a Duckface

Duck FaceYou can often pick a duckfacer before the camera is even turned on. They are generally from the overly made-up, fake hair, fake everything jersey shore type orange brigade. These girls are so fake that upon first impressions you would be forgiven for assuming that they are drag queens. The only reason that they cross their legs is to stop their dicks from falling out of the bottom of their mini-skirts.

As far as I see it there are only 4 places where it may be acceptable to pull a duckface;

  1. You are dressed up as Angelina Jolie for Halloween.
  2. You have just dropped a cigarette out of your mouth.
  3. You are a mime doing an impression of a clown blowing up a balloon.
  4. You are preparing to give Carrot Top a blowjob.

Why Duckface is a worrying trend

The concerning thing about this trend stems far deeper than it initially seems. In old days photos cost time and money. You had to earn money to buy a film, photo space was limited, and then you had to pay to develop the film.

These days digital cameras allow anybody to photograph anything and everything. People photograph their latest meal, what they are wearing to grandma’s house and their latest turd which they are obviously very proud of because they have put a retro filter on it and uploaded it to Instagram.

On Facebook, there is a place full of embarrassing photos called embarrassing nightclub photos of the week.; The group is features countless photos of people bent over in a heap mixed in with a fair selection of photos of girls pulling duck faces. You might have uploaded thousands of photos onto your Facebook page but should one of them hit this group it is guaranteed to go viral. This means that your lovely family photos get lost in the clutter, but 24,000 people end up liking the most ridiculous photo you have ever been snapped in.

The most worrying thing about this is no that future generations are not going to see the nice photos, they are only going to see the popular stuff that people vote on and share. This means that our kids are only going to see photos of duckfaces and they will assume that we all used to look like this.

Is there a cure for Duckface?

I have investigated duck face syndrome and as yet there isn’t a cure. That means it is up to us as individuals to take a stand. I don’t for a second agree that violence against women is acceptable. But if you ever see a girl pull a camera out and notice one of her friends looking like she has just sucked on a lemon… Give her a big slap and tell them its for the future reputation of mankind.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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