I am not a grammar Nazi but yous are idiots

Language is a wonderful thing... at least it was until people started to use it like this.

Ok, I’ll admit it; I am a little bit of a grammar Nazi.

I am not as bad as this guy, who does an amazing job at dissecting every single part of the English language on his blog. I am happy to let some things pass, I don’t get up on my high horse when I spot somebody in an internet forum use ‘ive’ instead of ‘I’ve’. But I need to draw the line somewhere.

First, there are the simple mistakes that come from English being a complicated language. Despite the fact that some people have been attempting to use it their entire life, they still struggle with the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’, or “your” and “you’re”. I struggle to comprehend how people can get this so wrong. If you are one of those people, take 5 minutes out of your day right now, click here, and learn the difference.

Stupid grammar mistakes or just stupidity?

I start to simmer when I hear people say things like capsicun instead of capsicum, or sangwich instead of sandwich. I know that these are simple mistakes and are not pressing issues in the whole scheme of things, but when you hear it day after day it can start to drive you crazy.

Some errors annoy me much more than others though. These are the grammatical errors that are a result of laziness and a complete disregard for the English language. You generally see it on the internet from people who think  that Justin Bieber is the most talented person who has ever lived and not just a teenage girl with an unfortunate name.

The use of the word “yous” as a plural for “you” for example. Even worse is that people often get even this confused and replace “yous” with “use”. When did people become so stupid that they could regularly mistake a word meaning “an act of using something” for another word meaning multiple people?  Its like calling sheep ‘sheeps’, or fish ‘fishs’.

Grammar is important on social media too

I recently visited a Facebook group called “yous is not a word” and saw the post below which was so cleverly written by a guy called Brody. Judging by his grasp of the English language, Brody is obviously an 8 year old who has heard mummy and daddy use some big words recently.

I blurred out Brody’s surname and photo because I think it is unfair to publicly mock somebody with such an astoundingly low level of intelligence. This is due to the fact that I don’t think that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself because he wouldn’t have the mental capacity to realise I was actually taking the piss. Surely everybody knows that the #1 thing to remember when insulting somebody online is to at least get your facts right and spell your insult correctly.

From the look of things, Brody only has support from his equally retarded friend Geremy, who cannot even spell his own name correctly so we shouldn’t expect too much from him either.

Not quite dictionary English

The worst of the worst though are ppl hoo ryt lyk dis. Do you have somewhere pressing to be which is stopping you from spending an extra 2 seconds to type a couple of extra letters in order to form a proper sentence? I don’t care if you only went to school for 3 days when you were 9 years old, there is absolutely no excuse for writing lyk dis u fkn lay-z twt.

I am assuming that kids write like that because they are trying to be cool and are therefore rebelling against the English language. I know kids are all kinds of messed up, but I struggle to see how forgetting that a couple of letters of the alphabet exist can be the modern form of smoking behind the bike sheds.

Not only does writing like that make you look like a moron, but it takes longer to read as well. I have also learnt from my attempt just before, that it takes longer to write as well. Yes there are letters missing, but you actually have to think harder about what you are writing and how to shorten it. That means that not only does writing like this make you look like a moron, but it is also more difficult too.

What is the point of kids going to school to learn proper English when they just come home and butcher it online? I understand that social media is casual and people can write woteva da fk dey wnt on their own page. But when they grow up and enter the real world, they are not going to remember how to write in actual English and that is going to present a problem. For that reason I have a suggestion for Mr Zuckermanberg and his friends over at Facebook.

A grammatic solution

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has done great things to make the world a better place and its time that Facebook did too. How about implementing an autochange dictionary onto your website so that when somebody types lyk dis, it is automatically changed to the correct word when they post it and cannot be changed back. You could even use some of your billions of dollars to invent a form of negative reinforcement the provides a small electrical shock through the users keyboard at the same time.

It might sound harsh, but I guarantee that it would work.

Tl nxt tym cya l8r ppl.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Perhaps you should check your spelling: The word is despite and not dispite as used in your article!

  2. Hello! I’ve been reading your website for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give
    you a shout out from Atascocita Texas! Just wanted to
    tell you keep up the great work!

  3. Heya! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I needed to
    ask. Does operating a well-established blog like yours take a massive amount work?
    I am brand new to writing a blog however I do write
    in my journal on a daily basis. I’d like to start a
    blog so I can easily share my experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for new aspiring bloggers.
    Appreciate it!

  4. The one error that gets up my nose more than any other is the misuse of “imply” and “infer”. The mission for those reading this is to do some research and find out the correct usage. I even heard John Howard, during a parliamentary speech, get them mixed up.

  5. Hahaha, I feel your pain. I am just as irked with people who confuse their, they’re and there (yup, many people get it wrong!). I am an English-second language person myself (my mother tongue is Afrikaans), and (1) it’s easy to use spell checks, (2) I own a dictionary for times I’m in doubt, and (3) I find that I enjoy being able to use all the letters on my keyboard and/or phone when typing. And I agree, typing lyk dis juz mayks my hed hurt, it actually takes more effort and time.

    Well done on another good rant post that really made me laugh out loud! Mmmm yes, LOL.

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