Some people should require a licence to have kids

You need a licence to own certain pets however anybody can have a kid. This is worrying because some people struggle to look after themselves.


There should be a test that people have to take which scores them on their ability to raise a child and the ones who fail should be neutered unless they change their ways. We do it to dogs and cats to stop them from breeding so why not humans?

It is disgusting to see the way that some parents bring up their children. Yes, there are child protection services around who can step in and remove a child should it be abused but a child has to live through a lot of terrible things before they get involved and even then it is only in extreme cases.

How to be a parent

At the risk of making a gross assumption here, bogans (or a rednecks if you are American) are often terrible parents. A trip to the local shopping mall during working hours leads me to assume that they don’t have jobs. You only have to take a look around and its like you are standing inside a holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle Show. The scary thing is that breeding is something that bogans like to do. Not just once but often, and many times from 5 or 6 different fathers, before they turn 15.

The mother will be quite happy to post photos of her naked pregnant belly all over Facebook with a smoke in one hand and a Jim Beam in the other whilst sprawled out all over her current boyfriends VL Commodore. They want to show off that they have been knocked up, and rightly so. Because having a child is a bogans only major achievement in life, apart from beating their high score on Call of Duty and figuring out what time to arrive in order to beat the lineup at CentreLink.

After drinking and smoking the whole way through the pregnancy. The first thing they do after the birth is shoot off a premium rate text message to one of those late night phone services and wait for the message to come back naming the kid. Not that there is much point, because the child is likely to spend is formative years being called “you little f**kin c**t” anyway.

A proper upbringing

Then, before bothering to do anything remotely parent like, they dress Corey in a t-shirt that says “im a tits man” and post photos of him and his rattail all over Facebook (yes, it is true that bogan kids are born with rattails). I suppose that one good thing about this is that assuming the child makes it to the age of 12 then they will already have an established page on which to proudly share photos of the latest tag that they have etched into the window of a bus.

The child will more than likely be brought up on a diet of whatever fast food ‘restaurant’ the mothers boyfriend happens to be working at that week. At least the kid gets a little bit of nutrition from breast milk, if only because the mother is trying to get them to shrink back down to their pre-pregnancy size so that she can resume getting them out in public and referring to as her “puppies“.

Bad habits are hard to break

Should the child end up actually going to school, the only previous education it has going into its first day is a vocabulary made up of curse words. Add to this anything else that can be learned from the cultural cesspit that is reality TV. Alongside this they are likely to have the viewpoint that everything in life can be solved with violence. You cannot blame the child though if that is all it knows.

Unless the child has the mental standing and drive to get away from its parents and work to get the best out of life, they are going to repeat the cycle.

If people needed to prove their ability before being allowed to have children, the world would be a much nicer place, people might get along better, and my fence might not have the spider scrawl of a bogan child calling himself “Da King” on it right now.


I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.


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