South Australian things

Here in Adelaide, South Australia, our Government really struggles when it comes to naming things. I understand that it is difficult to be creative when your work day consists of putting on your best tweed suit and thinking up new ways to bore the public into conforming, but for the sake of our sanity I wish that they would put just a little bit more effort in.

adelaide

Adelaide city centre, for, is surrounded by 4 roads; We have North Terrace, South Terrace, East Terrace and West Terrace. Coming from the city we have Main North Road which goes north and Main South Road which unsurprisingly goes south. Both of these main roads have a superiority complex compared to the other North and South Roads across the suburbs, which generally connect to 1 of 74 different streets called Main Street. As if that isn’t enough, we also have the Northern Expressway and the Southern Expressway which unsurprisingly are roads in the north and south where you get to drive fast. Oh, and Adelaide is in South Australia. You know… That southern part of Australia.

Up until a few days ago, I was the only person in the world who had not watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Over New Year, I watched all 3 movies in a row and not once did the Hobbits walk on a Main Street, or a North Road on their way to Scary Hill. Everything in the Lord of the Rings movies has a brilliantly inspiring name. I think we need to take inspiration from that.

Its not just the roads and place names either. The State Government have taken to supersizing public services; we have large GP clinics called ‘Superclincs’ and large schools called “Superschools”. I know for a fact that it took the Government 3 seconds to think of those names, because they had to get back filing paperwork on lost coffee mugs and coming up with plans to stop old ladies from stubbing their toes on the footpath.

I know for a fact that it took the Government 3 seconds to think of those names, because they had to get back filing paperwork on lost coffee mugs and coming up with plans to stop old ladies from stubbing their toes on the footpath.

Here is an idea, why not name the schools after something kids actually like? Kids hate school, I guarantee that they would be much more interested if they went to Hogwarts. People complain that our kids are lazy and spend all day playing video games instead of getting outside and playing sports. I guarantee that there would be much more interest in an inter-school sports match if it was Griffindor against Hufflepuff.

Americans wouldn’t have reached the moon in big spaceship on Rocket 1. Instead they used inspirational names in their space program like Apollo and Gemini. They recently renamed the Adelaide public transport system from TransAdelaide to AdelaideMetro, perhaps if they had gone a little bit further and given it a decent name I might actually take a journey with the great unwashed one day. The SA Police complain that they don’t get enough respect from the public, the same wouldn’t be true for the SA Stormtroopers. Not only would they get instant respect but they would get to wear awesome helmets as well. Imagine the media attention that South Australia would receive from around the world as our Stormtroopers go about their daily business.

What brings people to South Australia

Tourism SA complain about people visiting the Eastern States and not South Australia because they don’t know what we have to offer. Well we need to give people a reason to come here, aside from having a pretty decent wine region in the Barossa Valley, we need good Adelaide tourist attraction. Adelaide needs a distinctive drawcard that will make people sit up and take notice and not just another giant piece of fruit or big rocking horse.

So here is my plan to get people here… The Government should put our tax dollars to good use for once and use some of the money to employ creative writers to work in the naming department in order to give things names that are much more inspiring than we have now. It would only take one person and the payoff would be many times the investment.

Marketing is all about having a brand and doing something different to draw attention to yourself. If we started naming things after pop culture references, not only would that draw attention to the state but it would give people a reason to come here. People, especially sci-fi geeks, love this kind of stuff. I assure you that if we renamed the suburb of Taperoo to Tatooine people would flock there to get a photo next to the sign.

Don’t stop there though, we should rename Mitcham to Krypton, Ovingham to Cybertron and Davron Park to Mordor... After all, one doe’s not simply walk into Davoren Park (local joke!). Think big, we could become a strange kind of mecca for pop culture and sci-fi nerds throughout the world. States are so common… If they renamed the State of South Australia to the Realm of South Australia, the Victorians couldn’t laugh at us then.

To finish, I would like to advise the Government of the& Realm of South Australia to Rename the River Murray to Joan Rivers and start working on a real life Orc army, because that would definitely stop the Victorians from trying to steal our water. And if they did try, imagine the hilarious international headlines it would generate, which might also actually bring attention to the cause.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I like it. I think you might be on to something here!

    Now they just need to do it before another city steals your thunder!

  2. I enjoyed the post and many things contained within it, the opening paragraph is a new classic.

    Having read this through though, as a Canadian, I should warn you not to tread on the toes of the fine folks of Vulcan Alberta Canada. Or they may attempt to blow you away with phasers from their town’s starship.

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