Why is your dog dressed up like a ballerina?

People who dress their dogs up in silly outfits are a special group. I don't think I will ever understand why they do it.

dog costume
Dogs are not embarrassed by their genitalia. They are quite content to sit there with a happy look on their face whilst giving themselves a good licking downstairs without a care in the world. I assume that this then, means that they are not in the slightest way bothered by what is hanging between their legs.

Society doesn’t seem to bothered by nude dogs either. For this reason, I struggle to comprehend why some people feel the need to dress their dogs up in clothing.

Some people feel that their dog is more than a slobbery friend or a brilliant burglar alarm. If you are an NFL Quarterback you might even think that a dog is a good betting tool. Some people however think that their dog is just another fashion accessory for them to wear alongside their pink nails and sparkly handbag. Do you honestly think that your dog enjoys wearing a hat and sunglasses, or finds it thrilling to wear a tutu?

National Dress up your Dog Day

January 14th is National Dress Up Your Dog Day and I have some advice for you… Don’t!

I understand that occasionally there might be a need for your dog to wear a jumper during the colder months of the year, but there is absolutely no need for people to dress their dog up like Nikki Minaj’s hairy cousin before parading it down the street.

Every time I see people out with a dog wearing a little pink sweater and matching booties, I just want to put the animal out of its misery… And by animal, I am not referring to the dog. You only have to look in the dogs eyes and you can see it wishing for opposable thumbs so that it can remove the clothing from its body and then wrap the outfit around its owners neck.

Lets face it, if you are the type of person who parades their dog around at Christmas dressed as an elf, it is highly likely that you are not the type of person that anybody would enjoy talking to at the work Christmas party. This is because they are fearful that somebody might see you standing next to each other and assume that you are friends and therefore equally insane.

You only have to look in the dogs eyes and you can see it wishing for opposable thumbs so that it can remove the clothing from its body and then wrap the outfit around its owners neck.

Do these people not have anything better do do in their lives than go to the shops, buy a ridiculous outfit, put it on their dog and then parade it around like their it is child? I like to think that there is a special kind of hell for these people, where big scary dogs spend eternity dressing them up as ballerinas before shoving half chewed bones up their ass and making them twirl like a princess in a jewellery box.

It gets worse though, because, for the low price of way to much money, you can actually get a pet stylist to come to your house and dress your dog up for you in this seasons latest trends. Yes, that is correct; psychologists are not the only people who have created careers for themselves based on other peoples insanity.

Have you noticed that people who dress their dogs up in matching outfits often carry them with them everywhere they go? Unless it is a seeing eye dog, there is absolutely no reason to take your dog everywhere. and you don’t need to carry your dog like you have just rescued it from a burning building.

And your dog does not need a stroller either. If it has 4 perfectly fine legs then it is capable of walking as its ancestors have done for many thousands of years and it doesn’t need pink shoes either. I honestly used to see a couple who dressed their obese dog up in a tutu and shoes. They pushed it around in a stroller and every day they would stop at the local chip shop and hand feed the dog chips for lunch. If that isn’t animal abuse I’m not sure what is.

If you dress your dog up, you probably have your reasons. Whatever these reasons are, please know that your dog hates you for it so stop it now. And take your dog out of your handbag too you idiot.

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I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Ironically I found this post whilst searching for a ballerina outfit for my dog for Halloween 🙂

  2. No dog should be dressed up like a ballerina. It’s a disservice to the dog, the owner and society on the whole. (I can’t back this up. But it’s true.)

  3. What you’re describing exactly mirrors the state of dog ownership here in Hong Kong. While I’ve yet to see one dressed in a tutu or dressed to match its owner’s outfit, a dip in the temperature of only a couple of degrees sees the entire local canine population kitted up for a trip to Antarctica. And many dogs are never taken for a walk, they’re taken for a carry (or wheeled around in a specially designed trolley). Worst of all, most people who own a dog own at least three and in many cases five or six, on the terminally idiotic grounds that a single dog would be “lonely”. Words fail me.

    • I honestly don’t understand why some people feel the need to take their dog for a carry or wheeled around in a stroller! I think they need to start assessing people on their ability to look after a pet before they are allowed to get them. If you went out every day with your child dressed like some of these people dress their dogs, the kid would be taken away from them by the authorities!

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