Board games bore me

If I was to flick through a copy of Playboy or Hustler magazine on a bus whilst dribbling slightly from the corner of my mouth, people would probably avoid me. However, it is quite alright for women everywhere to get pant-wettingly excited over the sexual exploits of Mr Grey, whilst they are sitting in a doctors waiting room trying not to moan out loud.

50 shades of grey game

We all know that 50 Shades of Grey is just socially acceptable porn for women and now there is even a board game for it. Oh, and a movie.

If I was to flick through a copy of Playboy or Hustler magazine on a bus whilst dribbling slightly from the corner of my mouth, people would probably avoid me. However, it is quite alright for women everywhere to get pant-wettingly excited over the sexual exploits of Mr Grey, whilst they are sitting in a doctors waiting room trying not to moan out loud.

Now though, the 50 Shades franchise is branching out from just books. Today, friend and Adelaide social media guru Kelly Noble from GlamAdelaide posted a photo on her Instagram today from the launch of the 50 Shades of Grey board game in Australia.

Games for girls

We all know that 50 Shades of Grey is just socially acceptable porn for women

This is being marketed as an ‘adult party game’ but I have to question what kind of kinky parties you are attending if the host freely pulls this out and suggests everybody joins them for a game. At least that was my first thought about the game… Until I read the press release, which states;

“All players listen to the vanilla-style question before secretly voting on which of the eight predetermined friends they believe is best matched to the question. When everyone’s ready the answers are revealed for all to see! Once all the ‘Oohs’ and ‘Ahhs’ have died down, any player who picked the same friend as the reader wins an Inner Goddess token. […] The first player to collect 20 tokens wins the game.”

I am struggling to see the connection between the 50 Shades of Grey Books and this game? It looks to me like another generic board game loosely based on a popular franchise. There is nothing about sex in there, instead you just sit around and answer questions. Its the adult equivalent to when you were in school and you found out that Sex Education didn’t involve anything practical but was just some boring old fart in a tweed suit talking about condoms.

Despite the allure of receiving an “inner goddess token” for my efforts, I am afraid that it isn’t enough to gain my interest. Maybe that is because I am male and therefore not in the target market, or maybe is just because the game just sounds as boring as a load of women trying to make Trivial Pursuit exciting by occasionally relating the questions to sex… which is essentially what this is.

If they are trying to cash in on the franchise, they could have at least chucked a few kinky toys into the box. Surely I can’t be the only person who is a little bit disappointed that this game isn’t a fully fledged gateway to a BDSM orgy featuring whips and vibrating toys.

Addicting games

This isn’t the only game trying to cash in on the popularity of a franchise though. The other day I was browsing through a local store when I came across this beauty.

Yes, the popular mobile game ‘Words With Friends’ comes to life in the form of a board game.

I find it absolutely amazing that they are claiming to have invented something which has been known as Scrabble since 1938. A game that has been mocking the illiterate ever since.

Far too many better things to do with my time

The truth is that no matter what the marketing says, or what brands they take leverage from, board games are true to their name, they bore people. Board games are outdated. They are from an era gone by when children didn’t have televisions and family entertainment consisted of putting on your Sunday best and going to the town centre to see who was being hung for witchcraft.

There are too many other forms of entertainment fighting for our attention these days and there is absolutely nothing that can be done to make board games exciting which is why I think that marketers have given up.

Instead of wasting time trying to come up with something new and exciting in the dull world of board games, they know it is a lost cause. Instead, it is much easier to just slap a popular brand name onto something old and put it in a shiny new box in the blind hope that they can shift a few thousand units.

Perhaps it is time they gave up then and faced up to the truth that board games are only entertainment for people who cannot afford to buy TV.

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I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

1 COMMENT

  1. While you may have a point about the 50 Shades of Grey game, it’s your perception of board games that is horribly outdated. There are many, many highly innovative and exciting modern board games. There are fun games that are great to play with your kids and family. There are strategic games that are perfect for challenging your adult friends. And one thing they all have in common is they provide entertainment while encouraging social interaction—something that television doesn’t do.

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