Enough with all the reality TV celebrities

These days, gossip magazines are full of photos of people who's only discernible talent is being too orange and having a camera in their face 24 hours a day so that scientists can monitor the real-time evolution of sexually transmitted diseases.

reality tv celebrities

I have thought long and hard about it and I have figured out that every single person who pays money for celebrity gossip magazines must be mentally retarded. I cannot think of a single reason why anybody would purchase these out of choice.

Does anybody really care that Justin Bieber has recently gone to the shops? He needs to buy chips, toothpaste and sanitary pads just like any other teenage girl.

If Prince Harry wants to go to a club and snort cocaine from the belly button of a stripper before peeing on a homeless person, then that is his own business.

If Taylor Swift wants to walk around being sexy by day and being slutty with every male in Hollywood by night, that is her own business. I know that will never sleep with her and I have made peace with that, so I don’t need to read about what she is doing with other guys.

Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate

A couple of years ago, these magazines were full of paparazzi photos of real celebrities; actors, musicians and the like, who were actually talented and gained celebrity through their talent. These days however, the magazines are full of photos of people who’s only discernible talent is being too orange.

That is just the world we live in now though. Gone are the days when fame was reserved for a talented few. These days, everybody thinks that they are deserving of celebrity, even, if like the cast of Jersey shore, they struggle to string a comprehensible sentence together or walk ten metres without either humping or punching something.

First we had to put up with the Kardashians who felt that they deserved their own TV show because their dad was the lawyer who defended OJ Simpson. I have watched it before and it is actually a show about nothing aside from a girl with a giant ass going about her spoilt everyday life like she is something special. The only thing useful about her is that her ass could provide shelter so that the rest of her moronic family don’t mess up their perfect hair if it rains.

What is a Snooki?

Snooki's baby - Born in a dumpsterAfter being introduced to the world through Jersey Shore, the waste of fake tanning lotion that is Snooki now has her own reality show.

Apart from seeing an STI evolve in real-time, I felt the need to investigate what else could fill 30 minutes of air time per week, so I went to the website to find out more.

The screenshot to the right is a summary of what is coming up on the next episode.

As much as I struggle to understand why this crap is on TV, I struggle even more to understand who is actually watching it. Not one of the 6 ‘highlights’ you see in the picture feigns even the slightest bit of interest in anybody with the intelligence level above an amoeba.

Straight off the top of my head, I can think of 17 million things that I would rather be doing than watching these morons attempt to sleep in a chair or receive a box of cannolis.

In one clip, “Joinni has a hard to explaining his ethnicity” [sic]? Apparently, not even the people putting the website together can create a legible sentence. Probably because their brains have had the intelligence sucked out of them from being forced to watch the show in order to extract parts for the highlights page.

I feel sorry for Snooki’s baby. Aside from being only one of thousands of people called Lorenzo have been inside her vagina, it has no choice but to look up to these 2 oxygen thieves as its parents.

Lara Bingle had her own reality show here in Australia because she is famous for being in a couple of photoshoots and then sleeping with the captain of the Australian cricket team. That doesn’t mean that she is an interesting or entertaining person who people are actually going to want to watch on TV. She isn’t, and the show wasn’t, as was proven by it being cancelled after only a couple of episodes.

At least I can change the channel over when I don’t want to watch it. I feel sorry for the poor film crews who have to follow these idiots around all day every day recording this crap. The worst thing about it is that people feed their celebrity and before you know it, people from reality TV shows start cropping up everywhere.

Reality TV celebrities are not talented

There are many people in the Australian media today with a lot of talent who have worked hard to get to where they are. They are interspersed however, with no talent hacks who started their sorry excuse for a career by appearing on some reality show such as ‘Farmer wants a wife‘, or ‘The Bachelor.

These days you only have to spend 30 minutes on a reality TV show to be a ‘celebrity’. Whatever happened to the days when hard work and talent got you somewhere? I understand when somebody from The Voice, or Australia’s Got Talent goes on to have a long a career  in their chosen area and I wish them all the best, because they have real talent. Many media outlets however, are keen to leverage off of the 5 minutes of fame a girl gets from taking a dump in front of a hidden camera or standing in a line whilst a guy picks them for a date.

After being booted off of a reality show after 2 weeks, radio stations are quick to pick these people up and put them in front of a microphone in order to milk their 15 minutes of fame. When, after a few weeks, the bosses realize that these idiots have nothing even remotely entertaining to say and nobody wants to hear them. They are then replaced with the next talentless reality TV reject and the cycle continues.

Did you watch the Roast of Donald Trump? In among the actual talent, somehow, ‘The Situation’ from Jersey Shore got an invite to perform a comedy routine no doubt leveraging off of the fame achieved by taking his shirt off and acting like a chauvinistic pig in front of a camera. His attempt at comedy is the most cringeworthy thing you will ever watch. There are thousands of comedians waiting for their chance at the big-time who would have done a decent job. but then again, who cares about real talent right.

Even the chik-chik-boom girl got offered a TV show on Channel 9. Forget about the people who have spent years honing their skill in front of a camera. This girl is famous for something she said during a TV interview after she “witnessed a shooting” so surely she is more deserving right?

Listen up TV executive idiots

When will the people making decisions in these organisations help to develop real talent and give breaks to people who have spent years developing quality, funny and thought provoking content but are never given a chance. I think that the last time this happened in Australia was with Hamish and Andy and look at what they have gone on to achieve.

The trouble is that people encourage it. If you didn’t buy the shitty magazines or watch the shitty TV shows, then the F-list celebrity machine wouldn’t get fed and perhaps we wouldn’t have to see shitty, no talent celebrities everywhere we look.

If things continue the way they are going, before long, the talented will be forgotten and everybody who has some form of celebrity will have achieved it by appearing on a reality show or doing something stupid on the internet like eating a tampon. Maybe then, the so called ‘talent agents’ will wake up to themselves and start nurturing real talent again and perhaps people with real talent might get a chance to entertain you properly.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.


  1. People need something or someone to talk shit about. This world has gone mad with gossip and it’s spinning out of control. Imagine if they had real scripts, talented actors, and good music? In time, you’ll start to see talent come back but this is what the people are asking for, so this is what Hollywood pumps out. I’m about 15 minutes from Hollywood and when I see some of the natives who live in Hollywood, its looks like a t.v./hip-hop music video blew up. lol As an executive, looking out of your Hollywood window, your inspiration is never fresh…it’s going to change…

  2. “Who cares that Justin Bieber has recently gone to the shops? He needs to buy chips, toothpaste and sanitary pads just like any other teenage girl.”

    That is the greatest line i have ever read anywhere!

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