If you came here looking for 5 simple and easy tips to make money online, don’t get too excited. The title of this blog post is pretty much just an SEO trick to get traffic and so are the H2 header tags throughout the post… clever huh?!
Lets be honest for a second here, whilst there is a large part of the internet that is full of useful content, a lot of the internet is mainly about tricking people into clicking on your links right?
How to make easy money online
This kind of relates to my previous post “This is why I write this blog“. You can click on the link if you want, but don’t be disappointed if you don’t find anything life-altering there either, because unlike the majority of people on the internet, I don’t claim to be a blogging guru. I’m not here to make easy money by writing this blog (and I will explain why later), I am just a guy writing what I believe is decent content about things that I used to talk about on the radio. My sole reason for doing this is in the hope that it will entertain others.
How to make money from blogging
Since I started blogging, I couldn’t help but notice the sheer number of blogs that exist on the internet about blogging. Every second blog seems to be about blogging. There are obviously a couple of good ones but the rest of them are pretty much the same. The tips that they give you are essentially very basic things copied from other sites and masquerading as clever advice.
Every other person on the internet claims that they are a blogging guru. I’m sorry but when the only thing you blog about is how good you are at blogging and how to blog, doesn’t that just make you a self-obsessed douchebag?
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that in between looking at photos of naked people on the internet, I have visited every single one of these sites. Below, I have combined entire content of each to save you the mind-numbing effort of sifting through the garbage yourself.
How to write a blog
This next bit is just a Search Engine Optimized (SEO), Keyword stuffed piece of internet dribble about how to write a blog. Although it does actually contain some pieces of information that you may find useful as well.
Blogging for beginners.
If you have just starting out blogging or are thinking of starting a blog then it essential that you follow these 5 simple generic blogging tips collaborated from the groundbreaking gurus of the internet who all think that they know how to make easy money online by telling other people how to make easy money online:
Find a site to host your blog
This is important otherwise your blog will just be imaginary and nobody will read your writing. You probably knew this already since it is blatantly obvious but it had to be included here so that it appears in the Google search results when people are actually searching for websites to host their blog. Then they might click on your link by mistake.
Pick good titles for your blog posts
You have to pick an amazing title for your posts because if don’t, people won’t read them. The trick here is to cram as much SEO crap as you can into the space available regardless of whether it has anything to do with your actual post or not. That means that whilst searching the internet to find out which celebrities have had boob jobs, you might click on a link to do with something completely unrelated by accident.
Another trick when writing a keyword optimised blog post title is to ensure that you put a number in there. According to the experts, readers love numbers and are 1749 times more likely to click on a link to a post if the title has a number in it (which is why this post is titled “5 Simple Tips to Make Easy Money Online” and not “Make Money Online”. Actually, I might not title any more of my blog posts at all. Then what people read will be a surprise and will be as exciting for them as clicking on Google’s ‘I’m feeling lucky’ button.
Make your blog look pretty
This is important because unlike real life, everything on the internet is judged on how it looks. If you have an ugly baby, everybody will say that it is gorgeous despite the fact that just looking at its pig ugly face is causing them physical discomfort. If you have an ugly looking blog or website on the other-hand, people will give it half a second of their time to point and laugh at it before moving on to the next site and never coming back. In the world of the internet, that is an extra half a second for them to accidentally click on one of your adverts that they are not interested in reading.
Write your blog about something people want to read
Judging by the percentage of total blogs that are about writing blogs; the only thing you should ever write about is how to write a blog. If the current content of the internet really does relate to what people want to read about, this must mean that 3 out of every 4 people on the internet who aren’t searching for photos of naked women, must be planning on writing a blog about how to write a blog.
How to make easy money online from blogging
This is the big one… How to make easy money online from blogging. Honestly, the only way to make any money online yourself is to be someone who can tell others how to make money online and then charge others to learn your tips. That means that you must make wild claims about the amount of money you can make from blogging and then place a call to action in between every paragraph inviting readers to sign up and pay far to much to receive your course and learn your techniques.
Preferably you should also encourage people to pay money to become part of a crappy link sharing hub. Link sharing hubs generally contain an endless amount of shoddy content also about writing blogs designed to make you click around so that somebody makes half a cent every time you click an article about Viagra or online money making schemes. This is like the Ponzi scheme of the internet and will surely collapse at some point as they run out of new people to suck in.
How to promote your blog
Don’t forget that you will also need to promote your money making scam using social media. To do this you need to create a Twitter account and pay a dodgy company from overseas far to much money to get you fake followers. This seems silly but apparently it will make you look really popular on Twitter and this will cause real people to follow you in order to receive your spammy tweets because they are honestly interested.
You then need to send out 97 keyword optimized spam Tweets per hour telling people that they will get rich if they click on your link, then link this tweet back to either your site or a dodgy affiliate site.
How to make easy money from writing online
Don’t fall for it. You are not going to make $7000 from working for an hour per day whilst sat at home in your undies with Oprah solving the worlds problems in the background. If you are going to write a blog, you should just do it because you enjoy it.
I therefore have just 1 simple rule that you should follow… Don’t believe the bullshit.
Am I right or wrong? Have your say in the comments.
Update: Since writing this post, it has actually been ‘recommended’ and linked to by a number of these bloggers claiming to be blogging gurus and tell you how to make money online. If that doesn’t prove my point I don’t know what will! It is also ranking quite well in Google.