Quick, tidy up your junk drawer before it self combusts

Every household has an unorganized mess that is otherwise known as the junk drawer. It is the place where the things that could one day be useful, go to be forgotten about as they die a slow and dusty death.

junk drawer

It is time to sit up and pay attention because apparently now your junk drawer is dangerous and can cause your house to go up in flames.

So now, aware that the house is sitting there waiting to spontaneously self-combust into an all consuming fireball at any moment and we are all in danger, I decided that it was time to take action.


Being the man of the house, I took it upon myself to ignore the immanent, self-combusting dangers of what was inside the junk drawer, and proceed with the task ahead.

I immediately donned a fluorescent vest so that I didn’t upset any occupational health and safety warrior that might be peaking through the kitchen window. I then opened the junk drawer to investigate what dangers were lurking inside.

Junk in the drawer

My girlfriend hates junk and takes a perverse pleasure in throwing away anything that hasn’t been used in the past 10 minutes. She is a neat freak and thus everything in the house has its correct place. This of course, doesn’t apply to her hair products and make-up which she is quite content to leave thrown all over the bathroom.

Despite her disturbing need for organisation and getting rid of things we apparently don’t need. Upon opening the junk drawer, I realised that somehow we have the entire national output of China hiding in there where it was destined to live forever.

Among other things, inside the junk drawer I found;

  • Old batteries that may or may not work
  • Pens that don’t work
  • Rubber bands that don’t work
  • Earplugs from mobile phones that don’t work
  • Keys that nobody knows what they are for but if they did they probably wouldn’t work
  • Random cheap crap that I can only assume was ‘won’ from a Chirstmas cracker at some point in the past.
  • Expired medication from medieval times
  • Expired coupons for $1 off at shops we have never been to
  • Phone numbers I am too scared to call
  • Dust
Now, I only moved in with my girlfriend 9 months ago therefore we haven’t even had much time to collect much in the way of junk, so I cannot for the life of me figure out where all this stuff has come from.

Instead of throwing things away at the time when we realised we didn’t need them. I can only assume that instead, we put them in the junk drawer because they might become useful at some unforeseen point in the future.

I am yet to figure out what possible future use I had envisioned for a quarter roll of stripey electrical tape with more lint stuck to the edges that you would find inside a sumo wrestlers belly button, but I’m sure that I had something in mind at the time.

Ways to organise a junk drawer

You can find answers to anything on the internet, so I Googled ‘ways to organize my junk drawer‘ and there were many, many thousands of  ‘junk gurus’ each with a different OCD method to sort out the mess that resides inside.

After literally 6 seconds, it all became too much for me, so I did the only logical thing I could do. I pulled the drawer out and threw it all away.

That’s right… I took the drawer off the runners, picked it up and tipped it straight out into the bin. I figured that considering I didn’t even know what was in the drawer, I wouldn’t really be too concerned if it was gone.

I am however, concerned that at any moment now, my garbage bin might decide to take it upon itself to spontaneously burst into flames.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.