Reality TV and celebrity game shows

There are some absolutely brilliant TV shows being made at the moment. The Walking Dead, Dexter, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones to name a few. Yet every time I turn on the television, none of them are on, instead I am confronted with a terrible reality TV show.

Celebrity Gameshows

We are sick of seeing F-List celebrities everywhere we look. Nobody over the age of 14 cares that Kim Kardashian is going about her spoilt everyday life like she is something special. The only thing useful about her is that her ass could provide shelter so that the rest of her moronic family don’t mess up their perfect hair if it rains.

We also don’t care about following the real-time evolution of sexually transmitted infections through Snooki and the rest of the Jersey Shore morons as they drink, scream and sleep their way through their sorry excuses for lives.

There are far to many reality shows on television

For every well written and produced show on TV there seem to be another 20 celebrity (and I use the term celebrity in a way that is looser than Snooki’s vagina) based reality shows sucking the life out of people.

When will the TV networks wake up to the fact that we are bored of these lame lazy attempts at entertainment that the TV networks pass off to us simply to save a few bucks. All that they do is reassure washed up celebrities that somewhere, deep down inside, the public really does care about them.

We don’t care about Big Brother and we care even less about Celebrity Big Brother. At least Kim Kardashian is marginally attractive, why on earth would we want to see somebody who played football 75 years ago or some old woman who threw a shot-putt at the 1976 Olympics getting soapy in the shower.

Why are there so many reality shows on TV?

Celebrity Splash Reality TVThe reason that we get this shit shoved down our throats is because reality TV shows are cheap and easy to make. Instead of spending $20,000 so that Jack Bauer can blow up part of LA in the next episode of 24, for the same price they could create half a season of some shitty reality show. They can then force feed it to us in prime time supported by cheap advertising in the form of “news items” on the cesspit of modern journalism that is the network current affairs show.

A few weeks ago, I turned on the TV to see a new celebrity gameshow show called Celebrity Splash. Believe it or not, because watching unknown/washed up/not really famous “celebrities singing, dancing and ice skating apparently wasn’t enough, they are now diving. When I say diving, I actually mean falling from a height in a not-very-gracious manor before landing in a pool of water which unfortunately breaks their fall. If it sounds shit, its because it is shit.

After enduring just 5 minutes of the show I came to the conclusion that it would be much better if they emptied the pool and let them dive straight onto the concrete slab. Extra points for anybody landing on their head.

A new idea for reality television

If they are not going to stop making these terrible reality TV shows, them the next best option is to rethink how they are making them… They need to liven it up by thinking outside of the box.

For example, they could create some more interesting spin off shows based on Celebrity Splash;

Celebrity Ash – Set their clothes on fire and see who can pull off the best moves before landing in the pool.

Celebrity Bash – Take a washed up celebrity and make them walk from one side of a ghetto to the other. Whoever makes it the furthest wins. Each week the viewers vote for one to “getta cap popped in they ass.”

Celebrity Trash – Where a group of washed up celebrities spend time living in a dumpster, whilst surviving on only what they can find inside.

Celebrity Rash – Give washed up celebrities a skin infection and see who can go the longest without scratching it.

Celebrity Tash – Where a group of female celebrities are given male hormones and the fight is on to see who can grow and style the best facial hair.

Celebrity Lash – Dress them up in medieval clothing and see who can take the worst lashing.

Celebrity Goulash – Force them to eat terrible Hungarian food that has been left out of the fridge overnight. Last one to get food poisoning wins.

Or, what about creating some mash up reality shows?

Loser Splash (Biggest Loser & Celebrity Splash) Give points to whichever overweight celebrity makes the biggest splash in the pool.

So You Think You Can Supersize? (So You Think You Can Dance & Supersize vs Superskinny)12 underweight celebrities get force fed a diet of burgers, doughnuts and chips in an attempt to put on the most weight that they can in the shortest possible time. The show could include surprise challenges like “Skin Flap Flop” and “Who can hold the biggest object under their belly”.

My Kitchen Deals (My Kitchen Rules & Deal or No Deal) In a modern take on Deal or No Deal, contestants have to deal illegal drugs from their kitchen whilst also running a successful restaurant. The crimes are real… the punishments are real…

Australia’s Next Top Affair (Australia’s Next Top Model & A Current Affair) Current Affairs shows are terrible. Why not use the title of the show a bit more creatively and spice things up by inviting attractive girls to have affairs with celebrities and following them around with a camera as they attempt not to get caught.

Ramsey’s Voice (Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares & The Voice) I have previously discussed the abundance of crap cooking shows on TV. What about getting Gordon Ramsey as judge on voice. I can imagine it now “You call that a fucking song? You sound like you have throat cancer.” Then he might tell Delta Goodrem to f**k off.

I am so over the pathetic celebrity culture our society has these days.the only celebrity gameshow that was ever worth watching was Celebrity Deathmatch.


I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.