Log in to Facebook and in amongst the occasional interesting or genuinely funny post, you will be confronted by a barrage of crap.
We are all friends with at least one person who could be classed as annoying. You would like to unfriend them, but Facebook is so damn political that unfriending is not an option. Blocking someone on Facebook is the adult equivalent of saying “you’re not coming to my birthday party” therefore you are stuck, wading through their daily posts.
How to annoy your friends on Facebook
I have summerised 12 most annoying Facebook posters in the list below. They are all equally irritating in their own unique way so the list is in no particular order. Feel free to add more in the comments though. Oh, and make sure that you share this post on Facebook as well so that your friends know how annoying they are!
With the invention of social media came the need to post photos of food with a shitty Instagram filter over them. You know… because before social media, everybody used to cook dinner, take a photo of it, rub dirt over the photo and then rush around to their friends house to show them. If you go out to a fancy restaurant for a special occasion then sure, we are interested in seeing that. If you slapped some cheese on top of a home-brand burger and stuck it between 2 pieces of bread, Facebook doesn’t care.
The proud parent
We understand how you must be so very proud that your creation has learnt to eat/shit/throw up. We don’t need hundreds of photographs of its faecal matter on our screen every day when we log in to Facebook and we definitely didn’t need to see that all access video of your birthing canal. Congratulations, you made a kid with your genitals… I made a taco once.
The self-hating attention seeker
The fitness junkie
Also, nobody is jealous that you have just eaten a protein bar that tastes like cat vomit, that you are “eating clean”, or that you have just bought a container of the latest high energy supplement.
Judging by social media, I understand that going to the gym involves the following:
- Guys must drink protein shakes and post a photo on Facebook then once at the gym they can do anything as long as it involves “lifting bro” and ignoring that they have any body part below the chest.
- Girls spend their entire time at the gym squatting whilst taking selfies of their overpriced Lorna Jane clothing and new shoes.
The passive aggressive status poster
Before social media, people used to stand out in the streets and yell “im sad” until somebody talked to them. Chances are that the person posting this kind of status every day is just seeking attention and should be ignored in the hope that they stop. (On a serious note, if you are concerned for the mental health of somebody on your Facebook, sent them a personal message and suggest that they seek professional help through an organisation such as beyondblue).
The social gamer
You know… The person who loves themselves so much that they give themselves post a selfie every day. And enough with the duckface already, you look like Donald Ducks retarded cousin.
The lovesick puppy
We get it, you are in a perfect relationship and you love your partner so much that you need to tell the world about it. The world doesn’t need to hear it every single fucking day. You give the impression that you cannot walk down the street together without ripping of each others pants and jumping into a hedge. I love my partner too but I show it at home, in private.
For some reason, this person feels the search the internet for shit quotes from people nobody else has ever heard of and then repost them on Facebook… 20 times a day. Nobody for a second thinks that you are clever because it is blatantly obvious to everybody that you are not a part time philosopher in between your bong-smoking, beer-drinking binges. Oh, and why do people feel the need to post song lyrics? Yes, we all know the song, well done, what’s your point?
For some unknown reason, this person is missing the vital part of their brain that informs them when nobody cares. Every single action that this person does during the day needs to be reported on via Facebook, whether it is waking up, eating breakfast or farting. If this person sees somebody else post an image then they will share it with their friends via their wall. Cars, dogs, memes, It doesn’t matter what it is. This person is often the biggest poster on your Facebook and they will clog up your newsfeed with hundreds of posts a day. There is a solution though and it comes in the form of a little used feature that will block their posts from showing up on your feed but will not unfriend them.
What other kinds of Facebook users annoy you? Post away in the comments below.