I love a good celebrity breakdown as much as the next person. I honestly cannot wait until Justin Bieber finally loses it and has a lesbian threesome with Nicky Minaj and Lady Gaga.
She has taken raunchy performances to a whole new cringe-worthy level at the MTV Video Music Awards today with an explicit display of tongue-wagging, twerking and grinding.
I just watched the video clip of Miley Cyrus at the VMA awards and I’m pretty sure I contracted an STD through the television.
She spent so much time with her tongue hanging out I don’t even know how she found the chance to do the gravelly voiced thing that she calls singing. If she was on Idol she wouldn’t even make it past the first round.
It wasn’t even the good kind of cringe-worthy, it was “what the fuck am I looking at, this is raping my eyeballs” kind of cringe-worthy yet I couldn’t turn away.
Miley Cyrus turns slutty up a notch at the VMAs
She was pulling off moves that could previously only be seen in a really bad porno. Now it wouldn’t surprise me if the sex industry is the next stage of her career… either in porn or just on the street whoring herself out for cash. Next, when Robin Thicke entered the stage to perform a duet of his single Blurred Lines she ripped off her outfit and danced around in her underwear before apparently trying to get herself off using a foam finger.
I would have honestly paid money to see Billy Ray’s face when all of this was going on. It probably broke his achey breaky heart all over again.
For the first time in my life I actually wanted to turn away from looking at an image of a girl in her underwear. I think she might have turned me gay.
I think she has finally lost it. She has gone from squeaky clean Disney star to seriously fucked up internet punching bag. I mean come on, these days she even makes Ke$ha look clean… And Ke$ha lives in a dumpster.
Anyway… I have come up with a new diet plan and unlike those other assholes on the internet I’m not going to try and sell it to you, I’m going to give it away for free. After eating, simply watch the clip of Miley Cyrus at the VMAs and you will be overcome with the overwhelming urge to throw up.
The world reacts to Miley’s performance
Twitter obviously went into immediate meltdown with everybody from movie stars with millions of followers, down to the Twitter newbie with 20 followers tweeting about the performance. If I wasn’t already on Twitter, I would have signed up just to get in on this.
Will Smith and his family had a hilarious reaction to what was happening on stage. Fittingly, somebody else who is only famous because of their dad, Jaden Smith, looked completely shocked. He is a terrible actor so you know that his reaction is completely real.
Listen up TV executive people… Get onto this quickly before you miss a golden opportunity and either give Miley a reality show or put her on Jersey Shore. Either that or let her star in her own movie… “Hannah does Montana”.
If you want to see the video clip of Miley Cyrus at the 2013 VMAs you can watch it here. Get your shots first and have your puke bag at the ready.
Update: Obviously there are lots of memes, jokes and images floating around the internet now… this is my favourite! Miley twerking on famous paintings.