Annoying things sports commentators say

Insights like these are the reason that football commentators get paid big money to pass on their knowledge of the game to the less well-informed viewer.

This weekend is AFL Grand Final weekend. That means that people all around Australia will get together around a TV, eat too much food and drink so much beer that they cannot remember who won let alone any part of the actual game.

It also means that another season of this country’s most popular sport is over after one more final blowout, played in short bursts during a 3 hour long advertising break.

One thing that’s guaranteed with sports, is that the commentators will come out with the same old repetitive clichés to describe the action on the field. Next time you are watching sport, keep your ears out for some of these and have a drink each time you hear one.

Annoying things that sports commentators say

“He obviously wants to win it more”

Because after playing so many games throughout the year, training hard and getting the shit knocked out of you for the past 20 weeks, when it comes to the Grand Final, they don’t really want to win, the players only showed up for the free t-shirt and to take part in the pre game parade.

“This goal is important”

Compared with all of the other goals in the game that were just for shits and giggles. Of course this goal is fucking important.

“He came here to play football today”

As opposed to the last game when all of the players rocked up to eat fairy floss and line-dance before settling down to watch a romantic comedy and spooning.

“Its getting physical out there”

Because this one time they tried playing unphysical football and embracing each other every time the ball went out of play, but it just didn’t work.

“If he caught that mark he would have scored”

And if he didn’t catch that mark, he wouldn’t have scored. Insights like this are the reason that football commentators get paid big money to pass on their knowledge of the game to the less well-informed viewer. (A mark is a term in Aussie Rules Football for when somebody catches the ball in front of goal then gets a free kick at the goal).

“Big fella”

I don’t know if its a masculine thing, but for some reason, every single person on the field seems to get referred to as “big fella” at some point during the game. Surely if everyone is a big fella though, that means that none of them are actually the big fella?

“They just need to move the ball down the field and score some points”

Despite the copious amounts of beer we have been drinking, im sure that the majority of viewers know how the game works. In fact, that’s how most sports work, but thanks for pointing it out.

“Its a crucial time in the game”

You will generally hear this at some point between the first and final siren. I am still unsure of when the most crucial time of a game is because it seems to keep changing depending on when it suits the commentators. As far as I’m aware, the entire game is critical.

History repeating itself

For some reason, sports commentators and pundits are obsessed with history and will continually refer to it during the game like it actually matters. Yes, if one team has constantly come from behind all season to win games, then mention that. However, if they came from behind to win in a Grand Final 19 years ago, that has absolutely zero relevance to today’s game.

Despite the fact that none of the players playing today were playing 19 years ago and half of them were still running around in diaper’s, the commentators seem to feel the need to mention it like there is some mythical football voodoo about to come into play.

Anything can happen in sport

The reason that many of us love sport is because anything could happen. But as far as the commentary side of things is concerned, expect the same old thing.
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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Ever notice that sports announcers continuously say, “Carsonpalmer”? They refuse to call him Palmer…..it’s always, “Now Carsonpalmer is calling a timeout………etc…..etc…..”

  2. Nothing makes my eye glow as brightly as a commentator who follows the Barry Melrose school of broadcasting”the team that has more goals will win the game.”
    Really Barry, are you sure about that?

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