I am an adult and I don’t normally get hyped up about the release of a video game, but GTA 5 (Grand Theft Auto 5 for the less educated) is on the way with only 4 more days until it is released in Australia and I actually cannot contain my excitement.
Amazingly, Australia is first on the release schedule because of the timezone, even though normally we don’t get things until a few days after America. That doesn’t make the wait any easier though. I had managed to wipe all thoughts of the game from my mind when it was a long way off, however, thanks to the internet, with only a few days to go it has all come flooding back.
I have now become one of those people who starts to go insane from the waiting. This has caused to me spending the past 3 days browsing the internet for the tiniest piece of information that people have found and then picked apart to analyse far too deeply. Most of it is pure speculation though, because Rockstar are extremely good at preventing leaks before the release of a game.
Despite this, 10 minutes ago I was frantically searching the internet for GTA 5 information; I want to see the leaked images of the GTA 5 map, I want to know what you can do in the game, I want to know everything there is to know about GTA 5 online mode.
Yes I know its violent and people, lead by that asshole Jack Thompson, are going to get their grey panties in a bunch about video games turning kids into brainwashed killing machines. You know what, video games don’t cause violence and regardless, I’m an adult and i’ll play what I want to play. I have had a rant about this before which you can read here.
Anyway… Because I won’t have my hands on the game for another few days, I am currently trying to distract myself from thinking about it by writing this blog post.
The hype train has no brakes
Luckily, over the days leading up until the launch, I have a full schedule to distract myself. Because I have so much on, I think i’ll get by just fine as long as I can keep myself away from the forums whilst at work.
- Thursday – Work
- Friday – Work
- Friday evening – My team are playing finals football
- Friday night – DJing all night
- Saturday – All day radio committments from an outside broadcast
- Saturday night – DJing all night
- Sunday – 12km fun run (I’m stupidly lazy so don’t even know how I got sucked into that one)
- Monday – Work
- Tuesday – GTA 5 IS OUT
Not everybody has a schedule that is as full as mine though, so here are some ideas on how you can distract yourself from getting too hyped up.
Remember, if you can’t handle it and lose your shit whist waiting, you will probably find it in the last place you look.
How do you de-hype and distract yourself
- Avoid searching the internet for any tiny piece of information that you can get your hands on. You are only punishing yourself.
- Remind yourself that no game lives up to the hype, even though this one obviously will.
- Have sex… a lot of sex… with a real girl or with Google, it doesn’t matter.
- Get hooked on a tense new TV series with lots of action. Maybe it is finally time to give in to your girlfriend and settle in for a Gilmore Girls marathon? Actually that might be a good idea because everything goes quicker when your asleep.
- Break out the crayons and colour something in. It amuses kids for hours.
- Ask an elderly relative what life was like back in their day.
- Memorise Pi.
- Immerse yourself in another activity such as reading a book. Have you read World War Z yet?
- Find out how many licks it takes to finish a Chupa Chup
- Learn how to bake something awesome and than start preparing ahead for the launch day lock in.
- Google some cat memes.
- Post a controversial political comment on Facebook and tag friends who are far left-wing and far right-wing. Sit back and grab some popcorn.
- Go for a long walk.
- Get drunk… Then go for a long walk.
- Start calling random phone numbers and try to engage whoever answers in a deep and meaningful conversation.
- Learn to peel a banana with your feet.
- Remember that years from now, your kids will laugh at you and think of GTA V as ‘that old shitty looking game’, the same way as we look back and laugh at the SNES.
- Do not start obsessing about your pre order and what time the mail man will deliver it. Or, heaven forbid, if it will even arrive on the launch day. Don’t start harassing the mail man on the days leading up to the launch either, because remember, he is in control of your immediate gaming future.
- Start planning your sickness so that you have a legitimate excuse to miss work once the game arrives *cough cough*
The art of distraction
Remember, every minute that goes by, you are a minute closer to having that box in your sweaty little hands. And for the next couple of months, its going to be the only box that the majority of us guys will get our hands near.