A shopping trip with my girlfriend

Clothes shopping with a woman is only slightly better than shoe shopping. The only reason I say this, is because clothes shopping doesn't involve shoes.

Many thousands of years ago, people used to walk around wearing nothing more than a leaf. During this time I’m sure that when Eve put on her sexy leaf, that was slightly smaller than one she normal wore, Adam went crazy with¬†excitement.

Life must have been so much easier for Adam. If Eve decided she wanted a new leaf to cover her lady bits, a quick visit to the nearest tree would sort her out and in no time at all they would be able to get back to doing whatever it is that they did for entertainment back then.

These days, guys are not so lucky. A girl only has to hint at the words ‘clothes’ and ‘shopping’ in the same sentence and us guys will be on the floor, curled up in the foetal position, with dribble hanging from our mouths like we have gone into anaphylactic shock.

Life must have been so much easier for Adam. If Eve decided she wanted a new leaf to cover her lady bits, a quick visit to the nearest tree would sort her out in no time

Girls and fashion

I don’t understand fashion. I tend to wear whatever is nearest to the bed when I wake up in the morning and I honestly don’t care if my socks don’t match. My knowledge of fashion extends to matching my jeans with a t-shirt. Actually, jeans are brilliant because they match all t-shirts. You can wear the same pair of jeans all week and nobody cares, unlike when you wear the same shirt twice in the same week and everybody loses their minds.

Take a look at any fashion show and you’ll see woman parading round in an array of strange items that people would never actually wear out in public. Self important fashion media types and faux-homosexual fashion bloggers then take this as their inspiration to dictate the rest of us what the “latest trends” will be for the coming season.

All of a sudden, women everywhere are left dazed and confused as, in the blink of an eye, their currant wardrobe is declared obsolete and every item of clothing that they own is now “ugly”.

This means that they are forced to go out and buy new clothes because they refuse to wear anything that they currently own ever again. Hence how they have “nothing to wear” despite there being 10,000 separate items in the wardrobe.

Clothes shopping with a girl

Clothes shopping with a woman is only slightly better than shoe shopping. The only reason I say this, is because clothes shopping doesn’t involve shoes.

As a guy, when I go shopping, I try on couple pairs of pants and I’m done. My girlfriend however, spends an entire day dragging me around the shops as she wriggles her way into 38 different pairs of pants that she knows are a size too small. This is generally accompanied by a soundtrack of complaints about she hates shopping for pants and how nothing fits.

Eventually, after trying on every single thing in the entire mall, she will head back to the first pair with the realisation that they were her favourites.

I generally try to keep as quiet as possible in a clothing store, whilst offering up the occasional nod of support to prove that I am still alive and somewhat paying attention. Unfortunately, as a loving partner, I am eventually required to offer up some form of vocal opinion on the clothes.

I have an opinion on many things. Clothes are not one of them. I can tell my girlfriend what looks hot on her and what doesn’t, but that is my limit. For me that is also the safest option as I cannot say the wrong thing, however in her eyes that translates as not being very helpful.

Saved by the Internet

Thankfully, the internet has come to the rescue once again. Aside from the all the dirty pictures of Paris Hilton wearing next to nothing, the availability of clothes stores is my favourite thing about the internet.

The fact that my girlfriend can shop for clothing on from the comfort of our own home has me rejoicing in the fact that one day, accompanying a girl to a clothes store will be something in the history books that I can tell our kids in the same breath as vinyl records, VHS tapes and polar bears.
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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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