Why guys suck at doing laundry

Before I moved in with my girlfriend, I did my own laundry. During this time of my life, my biggest concern was running out of underwear. That problem was easily solved though because if I ever ran out of clean undies to wear I would just head out to the shops and buy more. That wasn't always the most practical solution though.

laundry

When I lived alone I hated doing laundry. I still do. When it finally got to the point where there was no other option, I would eventually succumb to the smell that I was inflicting on others and decide that it was time to do a load of washing.

OK, so that may have been a slight exaggeration for illustrative purposes, but you get my point.My girlfriend on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She actually enjoys doing laundry. I have tried to understand this but I am still lost as to what part of her brain is actually missing in order for this to be the case.

A story about underwear

The trouble with my outlook on washing is that when I was living alone, I would only wash essential or favourite items. This meant that the clothes at the bottom of the laundry hamper didn’t get washed as often as the things on top. Any clothing doesn’t make the cut for a single load of washing would be left in there and over time it would fall to the bottom.

When I first started seeing my girlfriend, 8 years ago, she told me that she had lost some underwear. Eventually, when I got to the clothes at the bottom of the laundry hamper I found some girls underwear so sent her a photo of them… Turned out that that they weren’t hers and instead they belonged to my ex girlfriend.

Male laundry vs female laundryShe was understanding of this but it did spur her into action to solve my inadequacies in the laundry department. She decided it was time to come to my house, pull the laundry hamper out, tip it upside down and empty everything out for a good wash.

Behind the hamper she found some more girls underwear that didn’t belong to her. Needless to say, she was a bit more annoyed this time but I calmed her down and it was attributed to my messy ways.

I was hosting breakfast radio at the time and thought that this would be an amusing story to tell on my show. A couple of days after airing my dirty laundry (sorry!), my girlfriend went to a new hairdresser and was talking to her about male logic, when the hairdresser decides to tell her about this “hilarious story she heard on the radio the other day“.

This just so happened to be my underwear story, which made my girlfriend fly into a fit of rage with me the moment she left the hairdressers. She was angrier than when she actually found the underwear in the first place.

Male laundry vs female laundry

Since moving in with my girlfriend, a year ago I have been banned from entering the laundry room or even touching my clothes after removing them from my body.

I have taken the liberty to explain the difference in how we both do laundry below in the hope that we can figure out why this is.

I think that this might also help explain why she was annoyed when I did a nice thing and washed the dress she left behind at my house one time.

Male doing laundry

  • Pick out the items that you want to wash based on necessity.
  • Carry as many clothes as possible to the washing machine in one trip. If you drop anything, bend down each time to pick it up. This will took much longer than just doing the task in 2 trips but it doesn’t matter how difficult the task is as long as you can do it in one go.
  • Stuff your clothes into the machine, add washing powder and put it on whatever wash cycle cleans best. Press start.
  • After the washing is complete, pull out only the your favourite items to dry because the thought of trying to hang every single item up is far to intimidating. Carry these items in your arms the nearest thing you can throw them over.
  • The rest can be left somewhere as they will dry eventually. If they start to smell you can always wash them again.
  • Once the clothes you need are dry, take everything down from wherever you decided to throw them and half-fold each item.
  • Clothes only need to be put away if somebody is coming over.
  • Only iron something if you need to look tidy.

Female doing laundry

  • Separate clothing items into 63 different piles depending on colour, material, delicacy, age method of production, style of collar, number of buttons, etc making sure that you exclude anything that requires hand washing.
  • Carrying items to the machine is easy now because each pile only contains a few items.
  • Put delicate things into bags with flowers printed on the side of it to protect them.
  • Add whatever washing powder is appropriate for the clothes currently in the machine and will smell best.
  • Put each load on the appropriate wash cycle for the clothing type.
  • After washing is complete, take all clothing out of machine and put it into a laundry basket.
  • Take the basket to the clothes line and proceed to hang each item up individually.
  • Make sure that clothes are straight and tidy and all sleeves and collars are flat.
  • Once dry, remove each item and carefully fold. This includes socks.
  • Iron everything because apparently underwear feels better if it has been ironed. This includes socks.
  • Put everything away in its proper place so that it looks neat and tidy.
If I’m honest… I kind of like the way she does my laundry and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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