Its a heatwave… We are the hottest city in the world today

I'm about to unstick myself from this chair and head outside to take part in the great South Australian pastime of throwing corn kernels into the air and catching popcorn in my mouth.

hottest city

I live in Adelaide, Australia and it has officially been declared the hottest city in the world today (look, its official!). Its not very nice.

It is so hot in Adelaide right now that pigs are turning into bacon and chickens are laying omelettes. In fact, you only have to chuck a handful of the Colonels secret recipe over the first chicken you see and you’ll have instant KFC!

As I write this, I am stuck to a leather chair and I have sweat in places that I didn’t even realise were places. I went to get a drink of water before, but apparently I don’t have a cold tap any more. Even the fridge is acting more like a microwave than a refrigeration device today.

We are going through a week of plus 40 degrees temperatures. Adelaide sweltered through 45 on Tuesday, just one degree short of its all time high of 46.1 set in January 1939. Today it is 46 degrees.

I don’t remember moving to the surface of the sun. It is rather unpleasant.

Out and about in the hottest city in the world

In weather like this don’t bother trying to drive your car. If, by some stroke of luck, your tyres haven’t melted into a puddle of rubber next to your car, the inside will be too hot to touch anyway. This would be fine if you didn’t have to use the steering wheel but unfortunately that is a rather large part of driving. You also need to be careful that the seatbelt buckle doesn’t give you an Aussie brand.

When it gets this hot, there is always the fear of a power outage as everybody turns their air conditioning on full blast at the same time. To counteract this, power companies implement rolling power cuts; where they turn off the power to selected suburbs for half an hour at a time to avoid overloading the system. They are annoying for me but can be downright dangerous for elderly people who have to stay indoors because they aren’t allowed outside through fear that they will instantly shrivel up and turn in to raisins.

Some shopping centres as well as trains and busses seem to struggle with the concept of how an air conditioner is supposed to work. It will be boiling outside yet the geniuses in control set the air conditioning to 20 degrees so you need to take a jumper with you. Air conditioning is supposed to create a pleasant environment for the people inside, not turn the area into a large freezer. When I used to ride the train every day, I honestly had to take a jumper with me for the ride because it was so cold despite the fact that it could be 40 degrees outside.

Bushfire danger

bushfireSouth Australia is the driest state on the driest inhabited continent on earth. When the weather gets like this, everything dries out. The grass turns yellow and the trees die off as their leaves turn yellow and brown. The landscape is like a depressing painting made by a 5 year old who hasn’t quite figured out the correct colours yet and still thinks his parents have purple faces and twigs for fingers.

Because of this, bushfires are an ever present danger in Australia. The sun dries out grass, plants and trees which makes them highly susceptible to catching on fire. Add to the heat, the possibility of a lightening strike (thunderstorms are common when the weather gets this hot) and you have a dangerous combination.

However, apparently it isn’t dangerous enough for some idiots who still throw lit cigarette butts out of their car window straight on to dried out grass. I have seen it with my own eyes. There are even people who light bushfires on purpose. I’m not normally lost for words but I struggle to think of anything bad enough to call someone who engages in such life-endangering, home-destroying, habitat-wrecking, stupidity. If you can think of anything appropriate, please hit me up in the comments.

Hot weather makes everybody grumpy

It is a fact that hot weather makes everyone grumpy. To add to the general state of grumpyness that Adelaide is in right now, everybody is posting about the weather on social media with generic “OMG its hot” and a photo of the temperature gauge in their car. Logic dictates that the majority of people on my Facebook live in Adelaide as well, the same as most of their friends therefore we know what the weather is like without seeing “Ermahgerd it’s hot, Ermahgerd it’s I don’t want to go outside, Ermahgerd I took a screenshot of the weather on my phone, Ermahgerd I took a photo of the temperature in my car”… WE GET IT!

You know what makes me grumpiest of all though? Regardless of the heat, as a male, I am still required to wear pants and shirt to work whilst the girls waltz around in flowing dresses, lose tops and short skirts letting everything hang free and breezy.

Anyway, enough complaining. I’m about to unstick myself from this chair and head outside to take part in the great South Australian pastime of throwing corn kernels into the air and catching popcorn in my mouth.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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