Human Barbie Doll

Introducing the Human Barbie Doll Valeria Lukyanova, which I believe translates into English as "Stupid Moron".

I’m not sure if there are any entry requirements to become a Kardashian or a member of Jersey Shore. I think that a lobotomy is involved though, somewhere in between painting yourself orange, and slapping more paint on your face than is left on a kindergarten floor after art class.

The celebrity obsessed world that we now live in has a lot to answer for.  It has created world is full of talentless idiots who spend their entire existence painting themselves orange in a quest to create some new race of human with inferior intelligence.

The celebrity industry is so powerful that these days that it has given many kids the misguided belief that the world owes them some kind of reward for simply being them. It doesn’t. They think that they deserve to be famous for being them. They don’t.

To achieve their goal of internet domination, people do some seriously stupid things like this dipshit who, like the unpopular kid in school who is desperately seeking attention, will eat anything people tell him to. The internet has forced idiocracy into people.

The Human Barbie Doll

Introducing the Human Barbie Doll Valeria Lukyanova, which I believe translates into English as “Stupid Moron”. She has spent her entire like trying to look like a real life Barbie Doll. She looks so plastic you could scare her with a hair straightener. This must lead to many problems in itself as she works to maintain her perfect image using hair heating tools.

She looks so plastic you could scare her with a hair straightener.

I am assuming that despite the whole Human Barbie Doll thing, she still has genitalia, so don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed. Although I may leap uncontrollably from the bed myself, when I wake up in the middle of the night and look over and believe I am in the middle of a nightmare where toys have come alive.

Human Barbie dollAccording to Wikipedia, as of March 2014, Lukyanova had 997,812 Facebook fans, 10,030 Twitter followers, over 30 millions views on YouTube, and also, as of August 2013, there are 336,565 followers in the Russian social network VK. I don’t know what that is, but considering that it’s Russian I assume it stands for vodka.

The story gets even weirder though as now she has revealed that she is converting to Breatharianism, a cult that believes food and possibly water is not necessary for human survival. Breatharianism is some whackjob idea that a person can live without food and drink, and subsist only off of something called “pranic light.” In case you were wondering, pranic light is “accurate, channeled information from a huge invisible spaceship hovering over North America.”

Anybody who makes it their life goal to look like a human version of a Barbie Doll probably isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but come on. She actually believes, despite thousands of years of opposing evidence, that she can train herself to live off only light and air. Light – which consists of nothing, and air – which also consists of nothing.

She isn’t a plant so I’m not sure how she plans to photosynthesise but she seems pretty confident. I generally survive on air and water for a couple of hours until I get hungry, then I go and eat something like a normal person.Sure, she is an adult and can do what she wants. However, not once in the entire history of mankind, has anybody ever decided that it would be sensible to try and survive on light and air. Thats because the majority of people aren’t that bloody stupid.

She isn’t a plant so I’m not sure how she plans to photosynthesise but she seems pretty confident.

Ridding the world of stupidity

Its just another cry for attention from yet another desperate person seeking the fame that they think the rest of the world owes them for simply being themselves, or as in Lukyanova’s case, for simply being a plastic version of herself.

I’m just glad that the starving people of the world don’t have access to the internet to see this.

On the positive side, this Breathairian bullshit will do a great job of cleaning up the shallow end of the gene pool. Although, she seems to have survived for this long with only air in her head so who knows.

You’re not you when you’re hungry… Somebody give her a Snickers.

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I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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