Australian Fashion Week has just wrapped up. I know this because it was all over the TV as everybody tried to get in on the action like it is going out of um… fashion.
Every half-assed news network and TV program managed to do a feature from a runway show or launch of something, just so that they can seem like they are on the cutting edge, regardless of how stupid the whole fashion thing is.
Apart from “the arts” industry, I have never seen a more ridiculous, idiotic, pathetic waste of time and money, than the bizarre parade of egotistical nutjobs that make up the “high-end” of the fashion industry.
Now before somebody attacks me for this, I’m not just blatantly having a go at anybody who likes to dress fashionably. I understand that there is a difference between what some people call fashion and what other people call fashion. Here, I am simply talking about those at the top end of fashion who look down their drug-afflicted noses on people who dress normally or in something from the dreaded “last season“.
I like to wear decent clothes. I won’t be caught dead outside wearing the traditional bogan uniform of track pants, white socks and a pair of thongs (Aussie things you wear on your feet, not the tiny piece of string girls wear to keep their asscrack warm). I buy decent clothing. Hell, if I’m dressing up I might even put a shirt on. I buy things that I like, I don’t buy things because some designer who has their head on a different planet has said that it is the latest trend.
I have never seen a more ridiculous, idiotic, pathetic waste of time and money, than the bizarre parade of egotistical nutjobs that make up the “high-end” of the fashion industry
Fashion designers are special people
Fashion designers are the most delusional people on earth. Do you see anybody wearing the crap that they parade around on the streets? No. The only people who could possibly wear any of the ridiculous things you see in fashion shows are Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj and lets be honest, they aren’t the most sane people on the planet.
Designer Karl Lagerfeld dresses like an extra from the Hunger Games. Donatella Versace should have stopped visiting the plastic surgeon a long time ago because she looks like her lips got stuck inside a vacuum cleaner. Don’t even get me started on J Alexander, the judge from Americas Next Top Model. Anybody who takes fashion advice from him (her?) should have their head examined.
In Australia we have designer Alex Perry, who, for some unexplainable reason, has sunglasses sitting on top of his bald head all of the time. There is not a single photo or video clip of him without them. He seems like a nice guy and I know he thinks that its his “thing” but it makes him look like a complete twat. Somebody should tell him.
Whatever planet these pea-brained fashionista nut bags are from, they should go back there, and take Gaga and Minaj with them.
Why fashion is stupid
Fashion is just a wanky, narcissistic pissing match that designers have with each other to see who can come up with the most outrageously impracticable item of psudo-clothing which that can drape over a human coathanger. They then parade it up and down a runway where hundreds of people who only received an invite because of who they are on the social scene, can pretend to be interested, when in all honesty half of them are only at the event because somebody said there would be a camera nearby.
Jumpsuits should only be worn by military pilots or somebody about to skydive. However, the other day I saw a runway model wearing a jumpsuit, not only that, but it featured a pattern which would be better suited on the wallpaper in an expensive hotel.
I turned on the TV the other day and saw a guy wearing a full on gimp outfit like he had just walked from the set of American Horror Story. Unless you are going to an S&M club, that isn’t fashion.
I also saw a girl wearing what could only be described as a garbage bin. This is only acceptable if you are homeless, or attending a Halloween party dressed as Oscar the Grouch.
I even saw a woman wearing cushions for clothes. I’m not exaggerating, she literally had a load of cushions attached to her body and was walking down a catwalk seemingly quite pleased with herself despite the fact that she looked like a sofa.
Apparently the bigger your shoe heels are, the better. Sure, but once shoes go over a certain height they are impractical and stupid. It is a fact that 8 inch heels will make any girl walk like a newborn calf. What is the point?
It’s not sexy if your giant heels make you walk like a newborn calf
I have seen models with birdcages on their heads, people dressed up like lamps, and guys wearing suit blazers coupled with a pair of Speedos. Its like the circus has come to town, except the only death-defying stunt these performers are waling down a runway wearing something that should come with a safety warning.
Fashion may be art, but when people talk about things being at the height of fashion, they must be high.