Going to the gym? Better tell Facebook about it

My favourite gym move is the one where I spend 20 minutes untangling my headphones then leave because I'm hungry.

I try to stay healthy; I eat decent food most of the time and I exercise. I recently came to a shocking realisation that my healthy lifestyle may not be as healthy as it could be though. The reason is that I don’t post about it all over social media.

gym-meme-2I was a member of a gym for 2 years. Occasionally I even attended the gym, and even less occasionally I used equipment other than the vending machine. During that time, not once did I post anything about it on Facebook. I don’t have an issue with people that go to the gym, workout and live a healthy life but there is a massive egotistical circle-jerk that surrounds it.

These days there is an entire process involved with going to the gym that is centred around social media. Apparently gyms don’t work properly unless you undertake the following sequence of events.

The pre workout supplement

Despite what some people may think, there is absolutely nothing in the world less interesting than learning via social media that somebody has just taken a pre-workout supplement.

According to convention, when you first buy a pre-workout supplement you need to post a photo of it online. This is important so that people can see you are serious about the gym and not just a casual.

It isn’t enough to just buy the pre-workout supplement and post a photo though, you also need to take the pre-workout supplement and tell everybody about that on Facebook too. If you are feeling especially dull, you can comment on how it tastes, the feel of the bottle and how much of a buzz it gives you before your heart exploded out of your chest.

Despite what some people may think, there is absolutely nothing in the world less interesting than learning via social media that somebody has just taken a pre-workout supplement.

There is absolutely nothing in the world less interesting than learning via social media that somebody has just taken a pre-workout supplement.

Make sure you check in

The effect of going to the gym is negligible unless you check in on Facebook. In fact, it has been scientifically proven by scientists who have never stepped foot inside a gym, that a workout is 83.6% more effective if you check in on Facebook whilst you are there.

This is also vital to prove that you were actually at the gym and not just buzzing around your house hyped up on a pre-workout supplement.

Take a selfie at the gym

Be sure that you are wearing the least amount of clothing possible and that your stomach is showing in the photo. I know people who’s entire Facebook consists solely of selfies taken at the gym. You also need to sit at a machine and take a photo of yourself whilst you are working out to prove that you actually did something other than posing around at the gym.

You also don’t need to take a selfie in the gym changing room every day either because you look the same as yesterday. Sure, if you have progressed over the last couple of months post something, I would be interested to see that and I might even post an encouraging comment on the photo. But, we don’t need to see you holding the same pose in a mirror seven times a week because guess what… YOU LOOK THE SAME AS YOU DID YESTERDAY.

My favourite gym move is the one where I spend 20 minutes untangling my headphones then leave because I’m hungry.

Never let up, to prove how motivated you are

first-rule-of-crossfitThe first rule of Crossfit is to never shut the fuck up about Crossfit. This is also true about the gym.When you are not actually working out, you need to make sure that you discuss the gym and clean eating at every available opportunity so that you don’t give people the opportunity to forget that you are the proud owner of a gym membership.

Remember to tell people how much you hurt the day after leg day so that they know you went to the gym yesterday. You should also remember to share gym memes, preferably ones that contain the words “Do you event lift?” and “She squats” whenever possible.

People love to cook, however you don’t see daily photos of them compiling their shopping list, selfies in the supermarket, a photo of them cooking, a photo of them eating, a photo of them in a food coma afterwards then a photo of them in the toilet the next day.

We get it, you go to the gym and you are working to improve your body. Congratulations for making the effort and everybody thinks that you look great but chill the fuck out because the truth is that nobody else cares.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

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