Things which are more interesting than the Royal visit to Australia

Here are some things I care about more than I care about the Royal visit to Australia and the Royal baby.

I understand the point of the Royal family. Many hundreds of years ago, some people killed a load of other people to claim their spot as head of state. Fast-forward to today and you will find the descendants of the last person to get away with this, sitting on a throne whilst all of their distant family assumes an extravagant title, stacks of money and land rights.

Whilst I’m not a fan of the idea of the monarchy itself in the modern day, I will admit that I don’t dislike Harry, William and Kate. I find them quite entertaining. Just the thought of Prince Harry sticking pictures of his grandmas face into strippers g-strings is enough to make me smile.

Then there’s William engaging in the never ending battle to stop his hair falling out and poor Kate having to cope with having her vagina thrust into the limelight as every media outlet in the world spent weeks covering every single aspect of her childbirth.

Just the thought of Prince Harry sticking pictures of his grandmas face into strippers g-strings is enough to make me smile.

Now, William and Kate Royal are taking their first overseas trip since having the baby and they are coming down under to Australia. In the weeks leading up to the visit, the media has been saturated with stories about the Royal family and the Royal baby regardless of how loose the link between the story and the Royals may be.

Things I care about more than the Royal visit

If it wasn’t for the media cramming them in my face every time I turn on the TV or open a newspaper, I might be a tiny bit more interested. However, they aren’t even in the country yet and we are all a bit over it.
Here are some things I care about more than I care about the Royal visit to Australia and the Royal baby.
  • Snooki’s IQ level
  • The chemical make-up of whatever is between my toes
  • Justin Bieber’s hair
  • The products Justin Bieber puts in his hair
  • Whether I can buy some of Justin Bieber’s hair from eBay
  • Collingwood supporters
  • Baby showers
  • Gym check-in’s on social media
  • Gym selfies on social media
  • That ‪#‎selfie‬ song
  • The Smart Car
  • Keeping up with the Kardashians
  • Armpit hair
  • Tasmania
  • Doing my tax return
  • Instagram filters
  • The Oscars
  • Handbags
  • iPhones, iPads, iMacs and iIdiots
  • SBS news
  • The colour of your mums socks
  • Charlie Sheen
  • Netball
  • The annoying Natural Gas ad guy
  • Beard memes
  • Hipsters in coffee shops
  • People who order sugar-free non-fat vanilla soy double shot peppermint chocolate whipped mocho-chino-lattes with extra syrup
  • The consistency of your dog’s last poo

Breaking news about the Royal visit

Prince George had his first official engagement yesterday during the Royal visit to Australia… yes it is headline news that a baby played with a toy at a kindergarten! This is so fascinating that they just spent an entire 5 minute live cross discussing it and breaking down his every move! HE IS A BLOODY BABY… HE IS DOING BABY THINGS!!! Keep up the good work journalists!

Coming up later in the broadcast

  • The Royals eat food
  • Kate wears clothes
  • How to conceive a Royal baby
  • How to dispose of a Royal nappy
  • The Royal baby sleeps
  • We speak to William’s receding hairline
  • Find out what’s on Kate’s iPod
  • An exclusive interview to find out what they are really like… with a person who saw them 20 metres away from behind a barrier
  • A news exclusive that links a local football player to the royal visit
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I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Are you kidding? The second by second commentary of the plane landing on the tarmac in Australia yesterday was GROUNDBREAKING NEWS. The best part? Having the camera pointed straight at the door of the plane for 5 minutes, waiting for the Royals to emerge and for the analysis of what Kate was wearing to begin. Riveting news.

    I kid..but seriously…I love the romanticized idea of the royal family, probably more the brutal medieval stories of royalty..I’m a huge Henry viii Fan… but…modern royalty can seem so absurd at times.

    • That was my point… the media! Channel 9 had live coverage for most of the day yesterday which followed every single aspect with a deep analysis. It was beyond stupid!

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