Adam Sandler’s latest attempt at a comedy movie “Blended”, is just the latest in a long line of unfunny, lazy movies from somebody who should have given up on their career a long time ago.
Unfortunately, somebody didn’t mistake the title for an instruction and drop the entire script into a blender before it was committed to film.
Of course, that assumes the movie actually had a script and Sandler doesn’t just arrive on set 5 minutes before the cameras roll and make everything up on the spot.
To write his movies, Sandler literally takes a shit onto a piece of paper and spreads it around with his hands before turning a camera on and acting out whatever dialogue he could make out written in the smeared shit. He then takes the shit smeared piece of paper and rubs it into the face of his audience who each pay $20 a ticket for the pleasure.
Sandler literally takes a shit onto a piece of paper and spreads it around with his hands before turning a camera on and acting out whatever dialogue he could make out written in the smeared shit.
I think it’s too much to hope for that one day he might stop shitting onto pieces of paper, pull his head together and wake up to the fact that his movies suck.
Why do Adam Sandler movies suck
The question must be asked – why does Adam Sandler do what he does when he is able to do so much more than the same old recycled formats interspersed with low brow attempts at humour.
I remember watching Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and The Waterboy when I was younger. I remember thinking that Adam Sandler was the funniest man alive. I remember laughing the entire way through them then quoting them for months on end with my friends. That is why it’s hard for me to admit that he now sucks.
Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore are the highlights of Sandlers career. So much so that he named his production company Happy Madison Productions.
I can only assume that the reason being that he hopes by putting the names of these two classic movies on screen at the start of one of his new movies, they will automatically become hilarious and the audience will be oblivious to how truly awful the next 90 minutes of their lives will be.
The unfortunate thing is that these days, when the Happy Madison Productions banner pops up on the screen at the start of a movie, there is a 90% chance I will turn it off right then and there.
Don’t get me wrong; movies can be fun, they can be childish and they can be silly, but unless everything is tied together in a coherent plot which makes sense, it’s just a load of people fucking around on-camera and being too damn lazy to give a shit about their audience. Last time I checked, a comedy was supposed to make people laugh not cringe.
Surely with the number of so-called “comedians” he lists as his friends, at some point somebody must have come up to him and told him that his movies are shit. Or do they all have their head so far up his ass, hoping to be in his next piss-poor movie, that they just don’t want to say anything through fear that they might upset him and lose their cameo seat on the money train?
If you want proof, Forbes put him at the top of their list of the most overpaid people in Hollywood and Forbes is a proper business magazine so they totally must know what they’re talking about! He has also broken the record for the most Raspberry Award nominations with a total of 11. Thats the most nominations in the 22-year tradition of the ceremony.
Adam Sandler’s characters
If having a unfunny jokes and a terrible script wasn’t bad enough, probably the most infuriating thing about Adam Sandler is the fact that he plays the same annoying character in every single movie he has ever been in ever.
He plays the same annoying character in every single movie he has ever been in ever
He always seems to play himself; a rich, funny guy who is also a jerk and only ever wears tshirts and hoodies. Don’t even get me started on that infuriating dopey look he constantly has on his face. He looks like he just had a stroke, which was probably brought on by being forced to watch his own movies.
I’m not one to talk about somebody else having an annoying voice but Adam Sandler has the same irritating, whiney voice in every single role. Because that isn’t bad enough, he can’t go 5 minutes without breaking out into that annoying half screaming yell. Every character is a stupid, one-dimensional, carry-over from the last film.
Some terrible Adam Sandler movies
Lets take a look back at some of Adam Sandler’s recent movies for proof of how bad they really are. This isn’t just me saying it, the associated ratings are compiled automatically from thousands of user scores on both IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008)
IMDb 5.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes 37%
Unfortunately I was invited to a preview screening of this with promises for free food. Fortunately I had self-will which allowed me to stand up and leave the cinema before the end. This is the only time I have done this since that atrocity that was Mike Myers “Love Guru”. In the 45 minutes I forced myself to stay in the cinema, I didn’t hear a single person laugh or even manage a slight chuckle.
Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013)
IMDb 5.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes 10% IMDb 5.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes 7%
I will admit that I watched the first Grown Ups on a long-haul flight from Australia to England and I was kind of delirious at the time so I’m not sure it was funny or whether it was just my mental state. I recently watched the second one however, and it was one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to film. At the end I was left wondering what I had just watched. The entire movie was just a collection of unfunny gags without any coherent plot. It is filled with the lowest-brow toilet humour imaginable such the “Burpsnart” the unobtainable trifecta of burping, sneezing, and farting, all in one motion which seems to be the only ongoing thing which ties this movie together. More unbelievable than the movie itself is the fact that they spent 80 million dollars on a 90 minute fart joke.
I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry (2007)
IMDb 6.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes 14%
I’m not going to lie, I actually kind of liked this one. I thought that this could have possibly been Sandler getting back to his original best but it could have still been so much better though. It is still the highest scoring movie on this list.
Jack and Jill (2011)
IMDb 3.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes 3%
This movie is the worst of the worst, as proven by the fact that it has a 3% approval on Rotten Tomatoes. The most unbelievable part of the whole thing is that the billion dollar Hollywood machine has its head so far up Sandlers ass that at no point did anybody turn around and tell him how shit this movie really was. There is nothing else I can write about this. This mess should have been sent straight to DVD and then the American military should have carpet bombed the DVD factory before a single copy ever made it into a retail shop.
Adam Sandler is the Pitbull of movies. Watching anything that he releases will make you lose more braincells than a weekend on the booze. Ironically, there is not enough alcohol in the world to make me sit through another Adam Sandler movie.
I will leave you with a deeply philosophical question… If an Adam Sandler movie is on at the cinema and nobody is around to see it, does it still suck?