Worst Songs – Ass-essing the lyrics of Jason Derulo Wiggle

I am struggling to see the correlation between a booty being like two planets and a ham sandwich but then again when you pull lyrics out of a bowl to write your songs, not everything is going to make sense.

We all know that popular music has taken a turn for the worse lately. If it isn’t a terrible remix of an old song rapped over incomprehensibly by Pitbull, it is something equally as uninspiring and gag inducing from Miley Bieber.

Jason Derulo’s song Wiggle takes things to a whole new level though. It contains what are probably the worst lyrics committed to music since the invention of music. I thought that Sexercise by Kylie Minogue was bad… until I heard this crap. I am in no way a prude, but the sheer lazy offensiveness of this song makes my ears bleed every time I hear it.

Wiggle by Jason Derulo contains the worst lyrics committed to music since the invention of music.

The tune is actually quite catchy but the awful lyrics are something to behold. I understand that these people are trying to get publicity by being as offensive as they can get away with, but it is pathetic to see somebody to try so blatantly hard to be “edgy”. It’s like he puts a whole load of random sexual phrases into a bowl then pulls them out. He is the black male version of Miley Cyrus.

In his previous song, the aptly named Talk Dirty, Derulo touched on booty’s with the classic line “Coz your booty don’t need explaining”. Well, at no point in my life have I ever required a booty to be explained to me but Derulo is obviously something special. This should have been a warning about what was to come next.

Ass-essing the lyrics of Jason Derulo Wiggle

Alright, lets break this work of lyrical genius down.

Hey, yo, Jason
Say somethin’ to her
Holla at her [laughs]
I got one question
How do you fit all that in them jeans? [laughs]

We all know that Jason Derulo likes to start his songs in the most egotistical way possible, by saying his own name and applying heaps of autotune to it in a way that would make Kanye West proud. On a positive note, the 5 seconds he takes to do this means that there are 5 seconds less of the actual song that you will need to listen to.

You know what to do with that big fat butt
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Just a little bit of (Swinngg)

The words you know what to do with that big fat butt should serve as a warning to everybody about what they are about to endure. Obviously taking inspiration from Pitbull’s famous Kodak lyrics, Derulo then attempts to rhyme wiggle with wiggle, and again with wiggle. Surprisingly he succeeds.

If I could give one piece of advice to any woman about what the are going to do with their big fat butt, it would be to use it to power their legs to run as far as possible away from Jason Derulo.

Patty cake patty cake
With no hands
Got me in this club making wedding plans
If I take pictures while you do your dance
I can make you famous on Instagram

Hot damn it
Your booty like two planets
Go head, and go ham sandwich
Woah
I can’t stand it
Cause you know what to do with that big fat butt

And verse one is over, or is it verse two? I’m not actually sure as it has all merged into one singular lyrical atrocity. Either way, this is where the song starts to get interesting.

We start off with a visualisation of a girl clapping her butt cheeks together which immediately gets Derulo ready to make wedding plans because, you know, he’s not shallow or anything. Mr Derulowide is obviously a fan of Kardashian sized rear ends and is not afraid to show it. Remember back to Talk Dirty? Ladies, you have a fantastic opportunity to take a first class seat on his lap, because you’ll be riding comfortable.

He then says about taking pictures of a girl dancing like a slut and putting them on Instagram. This is an piss-poor, easy reference to social media simply because it is popular. Derulo obviously wrote this song as a tribute for a special lady to get her to fall in love with him… Don’t actually try doing this in a club.

I am struggling to see the correlation between a booty being like two planets and a ham sandwich but then again when you pull lyrics out of a bowl to write your songs, not everything is going to make sense. I can only assume that ham sandwich is supposed to be a clever metaphor for a vagina?

Jason Derulo WiggleWiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Just a little bit of (swinngg)

No comment

Cadillac, Cadillac, pop that trunk
Let’s take a shot
Alley oops that dunk
Tired of working that 9 to 5
Oh baby let me come and change your life

Hot damn it
Your booty like two planets
Go head, and go ham sandwich
Woah
I can’t stand it
Cause you know what to do with that big fat butt

For some reason, verse 2 starts off talking about a car. I can only assume that the reason for this is because cars have trunks and a trunk is another word for a butt. Regardless, Derulo then moves on to basketball for reasons that I cannot understand.

After this he then mentions how this poor girl his is sexually objectifying must be tired of working 9 to 5 so she should hook up with him to change her life. He will obviously do this by posting yet more life-changing photos of her derrière on Instagram so that the whole world can respect her for her intelligence and personality.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
Just a little bit

Yep… Back to the wiggling again.

[Snoop Dogg:]
Shake what your mama gave you
Misbehave you
I just wanna strip you, dip you, flip you, bubble bath you
What they do
Taste my rain drop, ok boo

Now what you’re willing, what you wanting, what you may do
Completely sample rated, til my deeply penetrated
Then I take I out, and wipe it off
Eat it, ate it, love it, hate it
Overstated, underrated, everywhere I been king
You wiggle, wiggle for the D, O, double G, again

Alright now it is Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion/Snoop Tyrannosaurobrontasaurous’s turn to rap in his usual sexually explicit manner. Despite the fact that, even as a male, this section makes me feel violated, it is still the best part of the song, but only because it isn’t performed by Jason Derulo.

Damn baby you got a bright future behind you

He saved the best part of the song until the end. Unfortunately not many people will hear it because the chances of actually listening through to the end are minimal. It is so clever because of the word play… You see, the saying is that you have a bright future ahead of you, but since he has spent the past 3 minutes talking about a fat ass, he has flipped this saying on its head and instead says you have got a bright future behind you.

Brilliant.

So the entire song contained just 10 lines of actual lyrics from Jason Derulo, interspersed with random words and repeated sexual references.

The worst part is that people actually buy the music, cheer and applaud this crap which only encourages them to make more. In the future, when your kids ask you when music died, refer them back to this moment.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

18 COMMENTS

  1. Okay I know I’m late to the conversation, but let me explain the ‘ham sandwich’ part. First off, I hate this song, and agree with you on so many levels on how incredibly stupid this song is. I’ll take it you don’t listen to hip hop and R&B very often. HAM is an acronym for ‘hard as a mother fuc*er’ and ‘go ham’ has been heard in quite a few other songs out there. I think he was just trying to be clever and cute by saying ham sandwich instead of the usual ‘go ham.’ So basically he is telling the girl that is shaking her butt to go hard as a mf. So he’s telling her to not be shy and shake it aggressively.

  2. you do not get it…

    each word is a tag….
    that is how Snoop makes lyrics….
    and that is why he gets so much money….

    these are not just words…. they are keywords and messages….

    you pointed out “ham sandwich”
    is big, juicy, tasty, fat, makes you think about food, makes you want to just eat it raw….

    and there he goes again about food:
    ” dip you, flip you,”
    yeap… sex and food…. it can be both…..

    and again:
    “deeply penetrated
    Then I take I out, and wipe it off
    Eat it, ate it, love it, hate it”
    it looks sexual and it is… but it is also an of something that goes into a bowl of cream and you take it out… and eat it…

    – the lyrics are for men…. because women….
    – for sexy women….because men gaze
    but also… at another level for:

    – fat women
    – fat men (you even got a fat white dude around… that is on purpose)
    – and food lovers, fast food ones targeted the most…

    he hits a lot of keywords inside brains with those words….
    and guess what….he is right….

    even the reference “tired of working 9 to 5″…
    yes… fast food workers…. and commuters…. that eat fast food….
    target audience….

  3. Thank you!!! I always change the station at “You know what to do with that big fat butt.” This time that wasn’t enough, I had to google other people’s rants about it too, and this is perfect.

    • Well something this terrible deserves much more than just a passing comment, hence the rant!

  4. This is so incredibly demeaning to females, I’m surprised that he performed this in front of women(!!)and also possibly children and they applaud. I don’t know what this world has come to when people buy a song that says: you know what to do with that big fat butt. Lyrical, truly.

  5. Even Snoop Dogg thinks Jason DeRulo’s opening verse is ridiculous. Watch Snoop Dogg’s face at 0:44.

  6. I agree 100%. I hate this song and Jason Derulo. Seems like it’s the same thing with him EVERYTIME. But when he says “go ahead and go ham sandwich” it means something else. To go ham means to “do your thing” “show people what you got” “go crazy”. I guess he was trying to get clever by putting sandwich behind. Idk. Lol.

  7. Not only fucking that, the fluit is the most fucking destructive, ear rape bleeding thing I have ever heard. Now there is a lot of motherfuckers playing on school now with this cancer music. I rather kill myself than hearing everyday that shit fluit.

  8. “Derulo then attempts to rhyme wiggle with wiggle, and again with wiggle. Surprisingly he succeeds.”

    “We start off with a visualisation of a girl clapping her butt cheeks together which immediately gets Derulo ready to make wedding plans because, you know, he’s not shallow or anything.”

    Ed, you got yourself a new fan!

    As for the ‘ham sandwich’ part, when one is ‘slapping the ham’ we all know what is happening there. So my guess is that he’s asking the girl to ‘back dat thang up’ so he can put his weewee (the ham) between her butt cheecks (the sandwich buns).

    Anyway I enjoyed this! Nice to see I’m not the only one who feels this way about today’s music. 🙂

  9. Jason Derulo just rips off other people music. Remember that one from a few years ago that was the music of Show me Love combined with something else and all of the lyrics were taken from various other songs as well? Terrible.

  10. You should write a song about Jason Douchrulo, Pit Fail and Ka-$hit. Would definitely pay for it!

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