Worst Songs – Avril Lavigne Hello Kitty

This song makes me want to take a Hello Kitty toy and dip it in petrol before shoving it in my ears then setting it on fire.

Hello Kitty by Avril Lavigne is the worst of the worst. A lot of other song lyrics I’ve analysed lately are bad, but at least those artists were always bad and aren’t just undertaking a pathetically shallow attempt at selling out with their latest release, unlike this abomination of the senses.

The song makes me want to take a Hello Kitty toy and dip it in petrol before shoving it in my ears then setting it on fire. Not satisfied with just insulting your ears, the video clip looks like something from a Nicki Minaj wet dream. Watching it is likely to send you into convulsions.

Its funny that the song is called “Hello Kitty” and her voice sounds like 2 cats fucking in a dumpster.

Avril Lavigne was born in 1984. That means, at the time the song was released she was 29 years old. This makes it difficult to understand why she is writing a song from the viewpoint of a pre-teen.

I know that her original skater image was a poor attempt by her record company to mould somebody who can’t sing into something that could sell records but they need to let it go. She never was cool, and the fact that she now has that stupid half shaved head thing going on like its some half-assed swaggy throwback to her imaginary skater girl roots is beyond pathetic.

I hope that this phoney attempt at a cash grab fails harder than anything else that has ever been released. Not just because it is God-damn awful but because of the sheer audacity of the whole thing. Then again, it all makes sense when you remember that she is married to that guy from Nickleback. I hope they never have children.

Assessing the lyrics of Avril Lavigne Hello Kitty

Lets break it down…

Mom’s not home tonight
So we can roll around, have a pillow fight
Like a major rager OMFG

Let’s all slumber party
Like a fat kid on a pack of Smarties
Someone chuck a cupcake at me

It’s time for spin the bottle
Not gonna talk about it tomorrow
Keep it just between you and me

Let’s play truth or dare now
We can roll around in our underwear how
Every silly kitty should be

In the opening verse of the song, she covers pretty much every stereotypical thing that a perverted old man might imagine goes on at a teenage girls slumber party. It so bad that I know 12 years olds who would be embarrassed by this.

It gets worse though… Dubstep is kinda cool at the moment so why not insert a generic dubstep break…

Come come Kitty Kitty
You’re so pretty pretty
Don’t go Kitty Kitty
Stay with me
Come come Kitty Kitty
You’re so silly silly
Don’t go Kitty Kitty
Play with me

K-k-k-kawaii
Hello Kitty, hello Kitty
Hello Kitty, you’re so pretty
Hello Kitty, hello Kitty
Hello Kitty, you’re so silly

What the fuck did I just read? These lyrics aren’t even worth bothering with.

Wake up, got a secret
Pinky swear that you’re gonna keep it
I’ve got something you need to see

Let’s be friends forever
I wanna do everything with you together
Come and play with Kitty and me

Verse 2 picks up right where verse 1 left off… I would make a comment I have been sidetracked by my head which is about to explode.

Hello Kitty, hello Kitty
Hello Kitty, you’re so silly

The rest of the song is just another minute or so where she repeats that infuriating chorus over and over again. Congratulations… If you make it to the end you win a prize.

The most disturbing thing about the song isn’t the lyrics. It is the that fact that somebody, somewhere thought it would be a good idea to do this.

You can find more worst songs here.

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

3 COMMENTS

  1. Wow, you are right. One of the worst songs ever! No wonder I never heard it on the radio.

  2. I have a feeling the background dancers were supposed to be a little more animated but just couldn’t muster it……

    • Thats probably because they knew their faces would be on camera and forever associated with this atrocity of a video clip! I would lose the will to live in that situation too!

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