10 things that happen at parties

Hangovers are Gods way of saying that you probably had a good time last night, if you were able to remember it. You will make promises to yourself that you will never drink again, but by next weekend you will have forgotten this.

frank the tank

Everybody loves a good party. Its a chance to let your hair down, relax and have a good time with your mates and some other random people who you don’t know.

Sure, parties are fun, but at any party you go to, there’s a number of things that are pretty much guaranteed to take place during the course of the night.

Greeting each other

For guys, a simple unenthusiastic “hi” and a handshake will normally suffice as a greeting, even if we haven’t seen each other since back in high school. Girls on the other hand will squeal with joy before running run across the room and leaping into each others arms, even if the last time they saw each other was yesterday when they went out for lunch together.

Sober small talk

You arrive at the start of the night, you know a few people there quite well, others not so well. Regardless of how well you know somebody, you may find yourself stuck making awkward small talk. It’s boring, its generic and neither of you are interested in what the other is saying but regardless, you carry on because you are conforming to social norms. Due to the awkwardness of sober conversation, everybody just drinks faster.

Party food

Depending on the type of party you are at, food will either be cheap pizza and party pies, or if you are more sophisticated, home-cooked snacks. Either way, somebody there will dive into it like they haven’t eaten for a week, somebody will drop something onto the floor, and somebody will pile as much as they can onto a plate before tying to make their way across the room without their tower of food falling down. Whatever food is served at the party you need to remember one thing. However good it looks when you are drunk later on in the night, there’s a reason food is kept in refrigerators not on counter tops for 5 hours… food poisoning.

Drinking games

The best drinking game I have ever played was called drinking. It involved putting your drink up to your mouth when you feel like it and drinking some of what is inside the glass. Some people however, prefer to turn the process of drinking into an actual game. If the drinking game involves a physical activity, people will generally just give up halfway through. If the drinking game involves talking, there will always be that one person who is way to proud to share their sexual exploits with the group. If the game involves rules and punishments, some power-hungry dictator will always take things too far and will jump at the chance to issue a punishment, even if everybody finished playing 2 hours ago.

Drinking aids

Whether you are 18 or 48, at some point in the night somebody will pull out a beer bong or similar contraption, which serves the sole purpose of getting as much alcohol down your throat in the shortest amount of time possible. If you are thinking of using the beer bong just remember one thing. Although you might impress your mates by sinking a beer in 3 seconds flat before belching like a truck driver, the pretty girl you were hitting on earlier in the night is going to think you’re a pig.

Whether you are 18 or 48, at some point in the night somebody will pull out a beer bong

Mixing drinks

Regardless of how bored you become with your drink of choice, don’t mix drinks. You aren’t Tom Cruise in Cocktail so don’t even try. It might seem like fun to mix everything you can find into some strange brown concoction (it always ends up brown), but it’s guaranteed to taste like a cleaning chemical and you’ll definitely regret the hangover in the morning. There is a reason the beer isn’t a suggested mixer for vodka.

The bathroom

You are drinking which means that at some point in the night you are going to have to take a trip to the bathroom. 95% of the time, the door will be locked, but that one time you try the door and it is finally unlocked, you will walk in on somebody and be forced to issue an embarrassing apology despite the fact they they are the idiot who left the door unlocked. There is also a fair possibility that somebody would have left an unpleasant smell behind, but once you have walked in you are stuck so you just hope that there is nobody on the other side of the door when you leave because they will definitely think it is you. For the same reason, if the person before you has left a present in the toilet, you also have no choice but to clean it up.

The person who drinks too much

Despite the fact that most of us are sensible and know when to stop, every party has that one person who drinks themselves into a stumbling coma before vomiting all over the carpet. Incapable of being able to function on their own, this person will spend the next couple of hours sitting in a pile on the ground whilst a few friends make a fuss over them and try to make them feel better. This person will turn from the smiling, self-appointed life of the party, into a sad case of pain and regret, in the time it takes for the puke to exit their mouth and hit the carpet.

Deep and meaningful conversations

At some point, usually later in the night, you will undoubtedly become part of a serious, deep and meaningful conversation. These are generally about relationships, past memories, or the meaning of life. Everybody involved in the conversation will think that they are highly intelligent and capable of debating the finer points of string theory with Professor Stephen Hawking. Although you might think you’re smart at the time, if somebody recorded the conversation and played it back to you the next day you would recoil in embarrassment at your mindless dribble.

The taxi ride home

When it’s time to leave, your cab will come at the most inappropriate time. If you call early to make sure you can get one, your cab will arrive in 2 hours, if you call late it will be there in 5 minutes; Either way, you will be forced to down your drink so that it doesn’t go to waste. At the end of the taxi ride, you will inevitably struggle to get money out of your pocket to pay the driver as he impatiently sits there getting more and more frustrated with you. His mood probably isn’t helped by the incoherent sentences you have mumbling at him for the entire journey.

Tomorrows hangover

The next day you will be hit with the mother of all hangovers. Hangovers are Gods way of saying that you probably had a good time last night, if you were able to remember it. You will make promises to yourself that you will never drink again., but by next weekend you will have forgotten this.

Hangovers are Gods way of saying that you probably had a good time last night, if you were able to remember it.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.