Worst Songs – Nicki Minaj Anaconda

I can't stand a single thing about Nicki Minaj. Every time she makes one of those stupid little voices and makes that stupid bug-eyed expression on her face, I get so mad I could strangle a puppy (I wouldn't actually strangle a puppy by the way!). Anaconda is the latest release from this talentless clown.

Sometimes you hear a song that is so straight up terrible that it makes spit your drink across the room and ask “what the actual fuck?!” Anaconda by Nicki Minaj is one of those songs.

Back in the day when she released Super Bass, the most offensive thing about a Nicki Minaj song was Nicki Minaj herself. These days, she is the least offensive thing about her songs, and that’s saying something about how bad her music really is.

Despite the name, Anaconda isn’t a well written in depth analysis into the non-venomous snake found in tropical South America. Instead it’s an analysis into why Nicki Minaj is the trashiest, most annoying performer on the planet.  Even for a person who’s last release was titled “Stupid Hoe”, it is bad.  This song is the most obnoxious, violent, misogynistic garbage I’ve ever heard in my life.

nicki minaj anacondaLets be honest, the original Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot was catchy, but it wasn’t up for any awards. For some reason, Nicki Minaj as taken all the parts of the original song which refer to penises and remixed it into an even worse musical atrocity. I think she has an identity crisis because despite the fact that she refers to herself as a female and kind of looks like a female, her lyrics always seem to make reference to her penis. Remember Stupid Hoe.

As if the song wasn’t bad enough, the video is even worse. I feel like I need to cleanse my eyeballs in a vat of bleach after watching it. Everywhere I look, all I can see is her giant ass wobbling around.

Somebody needs to step in and put a stop to her before she brainwashes an entire generation of young girls into becoming drug-taking, ass-wobbling, shit-talking sluts.

Assessing the lyrics of Nicki Minaj Anaconda

Lets break it down…

My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun

*doesn’t
*any
*you’ve

First of all, in the original song, Sir Mixalot wasn’t talking about a snake, he was talking about his penis. Once again this seems to confuse Nicki Minaj as she seems to think she has a penis too. Maybe she does, who am I to judge.

Boy toy named Troy, used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins
Was in shoot outs with the law, but he live in a palace
Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish
Now that’s real, real, real…
Gun in my purse, bitch I came dressed to kill
Who wanna go first? I’ll have ’em pushin’ daffodils
I’m high as hell, I only took a half a pill
I’m on some dumb shit

By the way, what he say?
He can tell I ain’t missing no meals
Come through and fuck him in my automobile
Let him eat it with his grills, he keep telling me to chill
He keep telling me it’s real, that he love my sex appeal
Say he don’t like ’em boney, he wants something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit him with a jab like
Dun duh dun dun dun dun dun

I don’t find it surprising that she has some some pretty low standards for the men in life. Apparently any male with a fetish for larger woman and a career selling dope and cocaine is enough for her to drop her panties on the spot. She also drops pills and carries a gun in her purse which she will use to kill people. As far as I can make out, that just makes her a crack whore?

It is completely unreal that people actually like this shit and justify it as entertainment.

My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun

Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Look at her butt (look at her butt)

There are another two verses after this but they are pretty much just the same as the first two, except the name Troy is replaced with Michael. I’m not going to comment on them because I want to ensure that I spend exactly the same amount of time reviewing the song as Nicki Minaj took to write it. If I include the verse about Michael it might put me over my imposed time limit.

My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun

Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Look at her butt (Look at her butt)

Little in the middle but she got much back
Little in the middle but she got much back
Little in the middle but she got much back

Oh my god, look at her butt

Here, Minaj is straight up talking about her penis again. It still make absolutely no sense especially in relation to the previous parts of the song where she was gloating about her life as a crack whore.

Yeah, he love this fat ass
Yeah, this one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club
I said, where my fat ass big bitches in the club?
Fuck those skinny bitches, fuck those skinny bitches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club
Fuck you if you skinny bitches WHAT?

I got a big fat ass
Come on

Yes Minaj… Come on.

Even for you this is some next level bullshit. Are you trying to pick a fight with every other girl in the club based on the simple fact that they are smaller than you? Skinny, fat, black, white or purple, why can’t we all just get along?

If a skinny girl was to release a song which included the lyrics “Fuck all you fat bitches with your big fat cellulite covered ass. Nobody wants to see that. Fuck you you fat bitch get out of the club, nobody likes you” there would be all kinds of uproar. People would be calling for the song to be banned and the person who released it to be hung upside down by their nipples and slowly drained of their blood.

The final lines of this pathetic excuse for a song are straight up offensive, stupid, pathetic and degrading. If I ran a radio station I would refuse to give this song any airtime not only because it’s shit, but because of the outright offensiveness of that last verse.

Please Nicki, stop releasing this atrocious music and go back to working the streets where you belong. Actually don’t bother, because I’m a guy, and my anaconda don’t want none of Nicki Minaj.

You can find more worst songs here.

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I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

18 COMMENTS

  1. You nailed it. Seriously. That nicki minaj deserves to be flushed down the loo. Period.

  2. What a fantastic article, you sir have garnered my respect. I’m just really glad there are conscious people like you out there to speak against this ignorance. And as for the people defending this song, I love rap with all my life, but I have to admit one of the reasons it’s not such a preferred genre is because everytime a terrible song comes out (like this one), many rap fans try very hard to defend it. Which in turn reduces the little faith others had in the genre. Just give it up, Anaconda is a vile, harmful song for this generation and really says a lot about Nicki’s character considering the song implies that she believes her rear is truly an important and crucial trait of hers. It’s also no coincidence that before the flashing lights, she had no figure, so when she made it big and got the surgery, she built her ego and let it get to her head. Hence the creation of repugnant songs such as these. As for grabbing the song and judging it from a less moral, and more critical and lyrical (or should we say technical) standpoint, it doesn’t even begin to manage to yield so much value. The rhyme scemes are pretty basic, the manner in which her voice fluctuates throughout is despicable, there are no smart metaphors, punchlines, analogies, entendres, or flows throughout. Hell, the damn song astronomically flops from every single aspect that it just seems incredibly illogical to praise the song rather than it having a “catchy” hook, and how much is that worth exactly, anyways? Not a lot, if that’s all the song has. I didn’t like Nicki before, but now I despise her with all my soul.

    • And thank you for such a well written response kind sir!! It’s much better than the standard “your a dickhead” comments I get from brainwashed Minaj fans!

  3. Guys like you really restore my faith in humanity and men in particular that they’re not all entitled, aggressive, misogynistic ass-holes as many I’ve met are. Really great article

    • Could not agree more, Jessica. The guy’s really a true role model for the other less mindful men of our gender. Aside from how rational he was compared to your typical “man”, he had various strong points in his argument and he is very much right, the song does much more damage than the public thinks it does by the end of the day. I still can’t believe that a rapper like Nicki Minaj, knowing the amount of young people that adore her and idolize her, would release this shameless piece of garbage. Incredibly reckless on her part, she was already pretty bad as an artist, but now she’s just outright disgraceful.

  4. You also have to understand what Rap is about and also what an emcee is from a songwriter. Here’s an example of a 10/10 song from her and one that not only has substance, (she has many in fact), but is one of the few I’ve read frankly, where I have felt actual EMOTION and was moved by the all the lyrics, along with the dramatic tension as each verse passed.

    http://rap.genius.com/Nicki-minaj-autobiography-lyrics

  5. Oh the irony……

    1. Promoting obesity and poor diet to a nation of overweight kids.
    2. Acting like a whore, and instructing others to copy her.
    3. Promoting drugs to an audience that is mainly kids and teens.
    4. Promoting violence to others.
    5.Promoting unhealthy relationships, but is okay if they buy you name brand clothes.

    I already have spent too much time on her pathetic excuse for a human.

  6. I personally don’t think much of the song, but here are a few things I disliked about your review:

    – your fundamental misunderstanding of it (whether this was theatrically deliberate or not, I can’t tell). Nicki is reclaiming ‘Baby Got Back’ – a song which you praise as ‘catchy’ – which is a horribly misogynistic rap. Here, Nicki takes on the power of the male gaze by owning it herself. Each of the raps (which you didn’t think were worth dissecting) are written in active terms, not passive ones, where she controls what happens with the men, and in the lap dance she gives to Drake she doesn’t let him touch her, preventing him from ‘claiming’ her. For a more eloquent explanation of this than mine, look at this article. It should clear things up for you. http://www.autostraddle.com/nicki-minajs-feminism-isnt-about-your-comfort-zone-on-anaconda-and-respectability-politics-251866/
    – your blatant slut-shaming is unacceptable. Calling women like Nicki ‘drug-taking, ass-wobbling, shit-talking sluts’ is ignorant and vile.
    – again, unless you’re being deliberately obtuse, Nicki isn’t saying she has a penis. She’s sampling the Sir Mix-a-Lot song.
    – insulting Nicki’s grasp of grammar also seems rather unnecessary when a) it’s not her, it’s Sir Mix-a-lot and b) your own is not perfect.
    – as for the ‘fuck you skinny bitches’ bit, Nicki isn’t referring unanimously to any thin women. She’s talking specifically about the bitchy white women at the beginning of ‘Baby Got Back’ who gossip about a black woman’s butt and say disparagingly ‘she’s just so…black’. That bit is to them and it’s also highly satirical.
    – the rap genius lyrics online of this song might also help to elucidate further what you might have missed from this. http://rap.genius.com/Nicki-minaj-anaconda-lyrics
    – in case you think any of this is me reading too much into it, your own reading – including your idea that Nicki actually wants to have a penis (because why wouldn’t she want to be a man?!) – is pretty ‘in-depth’ in spite of you calling it too shallow. I think you’d really learn a lot from reading the two articles I’ve recommended.

    I would say that despite your criticism of the song as ‘violent’ and ‘misogynistic’, this review incorporates both of those things, directed at Nicki and other women, making it quite an unpleasant read. The song itself can definitely be read as a feminist and body-postive one, as well as one that targets racism and sexism through parody, which might be worth considering. Whatever one’s personal taste in music (as I said, it’s not something I’d have on my i-Pod), this is something that cannot be dismissed through aggressive, slut-shaming prose.

    DyH8

    • I’m glad that you found my article an unpleasant read because that’s exactly what I thought of your comments. Halfway through reading I actually became overwhelmed with the urge to rip my eyeballs out with a rusty fork so that I didn’t have to read any further.

      You are calling me out for “slut shaming” in a review of Anaconda?! Have you actually watched the video clip or is your head so far up your own ass that you have difficulty in removing it for 3 and a half minutes? Google what slut shaming actually is then get back to me.

      As for you saying that calling her a “drug-taking, ass-wobbling, shit-talking slut” is ignorant and vile. You do realise that is exactly what she is, and you’re defending what is quite possibly the most ignorant and vile song ever released by calling me ignorant and vile right? I’m sorry but how would you describe the video clip? It’s not exactly romantic is it!

      Lets not fuck around here… Lets call a spade a spade (or in this case a slut a slut). When somebody releases a song which is completely, 100% about how she is a slut, then that analysis is completely deserved. If I was to get 95% naked and rub my balls up against a woman in a music video clip, I would expect people to call me a misogynist asshole.

      Despite your claim about my comments “being directed at other woman”. If you bothered read it properly before mouthing off, you would see that it isn’t aimed at anybody except Nicki Minaj and the atrocity of this song. Not once did I call any other woman anything, I have a lot of respect for woman, my fiancée even once said I was “a nice guy” on Facebook so it must be true. This article is purely an analysis of the crock of shit that is the song Anaconda and has nothing to do with anything else.

      Thanks for pointing me to the link from Rap Genius http://rap.genius.com/Nicki-minaj-anaconda-lyrics. If you had bothered to read the comments over there, the amount of hate for this song is unfathomable. I thank you for disputing my comments by providing evidence supporting my comments, you saved me the effort of doing it myself 🙂

      I’m glad that you took this article so seriously but I think you missed the point that this whole site is for entertainment and comedy. You have written in your comments that the song is “parody” yet you yourself seem quite incapable of distinguishing humour therefore I highly doubt your judgement.

      As for your suggestion that I read the 2 articles you’ve recommended… I would rather spend the time writing another article about why idiots like you should be banned from breeding. I really do hope that you don’t have any children because I worry if these are the kind of morals you instil in them. I feel like I should point out that despite what you may think, websites like http://www.pornhub.com and http://www.redtube.com should not be used for parenting advice.

  7. this isn’t even a song. it’s a synthesized rip off of another synthesized track. not one musical instrument played by hand or mouth. no exertion of talent whatsoever. so friends, i’m sorry to report that music has been dead for some time, and this painted whore is grinding her brown eye all over its corpse.
    dear Nicki, just make your next video a chick planting her foot in your fat bungus and struggling to pull it out for three minutes. how would that be any worse than what you’ve already done?

  8. Yeah, I can’t stomach that woman. There are two songs she has that I find catchy (the Starships song and Bang Bang with Jessie J and Ariana Grande), but in general I just can’t. And yeah, this song in particular is wretched.

    “Did it On ‘Em” is another gem…

      • You should check out her rapping before Anaconda and Stupid Hoe, she pretty much only has 5 bad rap songs, I’ve heard them all, you’re missing out. Oh yeah, I don’t know how you only heard of Anaconda, but not Pills N Potions which has substance.

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