Because this is the internet and people need to have things explained in simple terms, I want to make it very clear that I’m not here to bash or discriminate against any group or individual.
Whether you are gay, straight, male, female, transgender, a cat, white, black, purple or camouflaged, I honestly don’t care. If you are a great person, I’ll be your friend without a second thought as to any of that stuff. You are who you are and I respect you, your culture and your lifestyle.
I need to point this out straight away so that my point isn’t misconstrued and I get unfairly labelled as a racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, bigot, or any one of the thousand other labels which seem to be completely fine for people to throw around as they please, regardless of how fitting they are (ironic isn’t it!).
Please read to the end before making any kind of judgement, and whilst reading remember that I’m trying to make a serious point in a humorous way.
Stop looking to be offended by everything
The current political correctness movement is becoming ridiculous. Rather than advancing the cause, they are simply putting more people offside and holding back the fight for true equality. People need to stop looking for reasons to be offended. If you’re constantly looking for offence, then you’re always going to find it.
I completely understand why we need to be politically correct and non-offensive about some things. I agree that we should have racial, sexual and every other kind of fairness and equality. However, there is a line where it goes from a cause that’s worth fighting for, into stupidity led by people with the IQ of a potato and drunk on their own buzzwords. It does nothing more than detract attention from the real issues whilst making a mockery of it.
I’m not here to say what should or shouldn’t offend somebody, I just hope that some of these overly-PC morons break their fucking legs when they fall from their high horse.
If you’re constantly looking for offence, then you’re always going to find it.
Gingerbread men are the most offensive food on the planet
I recently saw the news that a group of people are trying to ban the word “gingerbread man” because it offends anybody who isn’t a man, specifically transgender people. Instead, they would like people to use the name gender-neutral gingerbread person. I have a number of transgender friends who I’ve asked about this, and they don’t care about gingerbread men, so why should anybody else be bothered by it?
Should Spiderman become Gender-neutral Spiderperson? Should Wonder Woman become Gender-neutral Wonderperson? Should Batman become Gender-neutral Batperson? No… because they sounds almost as stupid as the people who come up with these ridiculous ideas sound every time they open their stupid mouths.
Last time I checked, Gingerbread man is the name of a type of biscuit. I have never actually seen any gender defining organs on a gingerbread man and I’ve never eaten a gingerbread penis. Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t have noticed because it’s nothing more than the name of a biscuit which has been around for hundreds of years.
This comes only a couple of years after the group Left4Change also tried to ban Gingerbread men, this time it was because they deemed them offensive to ginger people. Oh, and this school who banned children from dressing up in a gingerbread costume because they thought it was racist.
Apparently then, it seems gingerbread men may be the most offensive food on the planet.
Politically correct nursery rhymes
Lets not forget the school in Queensland which banned the song Baa Baa Black Sheep because they considered it racist. Racist against who exactly? Black sheep? Not once have I met a black sheep, or any other colour sheep for that matter, who was offended by that song. OK so sheep can’t speak, but if they could I’m sure they wouldn’t find it offensive!
Children see things for what they are and nothing more. I doubt very much that any child would give a moments thought to the colour of the sheep unless pointed out by an adult. I sang the nursery rhyme when I was a kid and not once did I think the song was about anything more than a sheep that had lots of wool.
Regardless, the school would prefer that kids sing Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep instead. However, since the rainbow colours are a symbol for the gay community, does that now make Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep offensive to straight people?
For crying out loud, you can’t even get a rainbow coloured sheep unless it has been to a hair salon. This is just going to create a group of very confused kids who visit farms and spend the day trying to find a non-existant rainbow coloured sheep.
I guess we will have to ban every colour that could represent a skin tone. That leaves us with Baa Baa Blue Sheep, but we can’t use that because that might offend the Blue Man Group or Smurfs.
The only possible solution then, is to ban any mention of colour in all aspects of life. That leaves us with Baa Baa Non-specific Colour Sheep, but that would be offensive to anything that isn’t a sheep. Baa Baa Non-specific Colour Cow just sounds silly because cows don’t baa, but then again, choosing any animal might offend insects.
Sound Sound Non-specific Colour Living Organism it is then. What a brilliant, all encompassing, non-offensive nursery rhyme.
Lets fix nursery rhymes
While we ‘re at it, me might as well fix some other offensive nursery rhymes too;
How dare we assume that all farmers are male. This will obviously have to be changed to, “age neutral person who happens to be a farmer at this point in his life but that doesn’t define who he is, had a farm, ey eye ey eye oh.”
Hickory Dickory Dock
Obviously a mouse can’t run up a clock then run back down because its scared, because this implies that mice have no courage.
This is offensive to all foods which aren’t eggs. It is offensive to drunk people who may have fallen over recently. Also, we can’t have “all the kings men” to put him back together again because that is sexist It should be “all the rulers people”, but we can’t have a ruler because that’s oppressive, so I guess we’ll go with “all the peoples people”.
Little Bo Peep
It is clear that Little Bo Peep is a song about an incompetent woman who lost all her sheep. We can’t have that because it implies that women are inept at caring for animals. Therefore it should be immediately renamed “A person lost their sheep“.
Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
I don’t think its possible to be any more offensive in a song. The title alone is sexist, ageist, offensive to dead people and offensive to the homeless. The fact that it mentions that she has so many children she didn’t know what to do, is quite obviously slut-shaming. There is mention of Jesus, which is offensive to everybody. She shouldn’t feed her children bread because that sends out a negative dietary message because of all the carbs.
The truth of the matter is that you can’t do anything in this world without offending somebody.
Australian Santa’s can’t say “Ho Ho Ho” anymore, instead they have to say “Ha Ha Ha” despite the fact that the majority of people hadn’t even noticed until it was pointed out to them. To me it was just a jolly fat man laughing, but somebody saw it as offensive to all woman so it had to be banned immediately.
Every year we hear story’s about people trying to ban Christmas activities in countries which are predominantly Christian because it might offend every other religion living there. Merry Happy Christmahannukwanzaka everyperson!
A Washington college said their non-discrimination policy prevents them from stopping a transgender man from exposing himself to girls as young as 6 years old, inside a women’s locker room. This is a prime example of where common sense and logic needs to stand clearly above everything else.
Why stop there though;
- Let’s ban all music that talks about love between a man and a woman because that might offend homosexuals.
- Let’s ban shops from selling white bread, black shoe polish and Asian noodles.
- Men with facial hair should be immediately shaved because it might offend men who can’t grow a beard.
- We need to ban photos of fat people because it might offend fit people. We also need to ban photos of fit people because it might offend fat people.
- Let’s ban all photos of mothers with babies because it might offend woman who can’t have children.
- Why not ban all National Anthems everywhere because they offend other countries, especially during sporting fixtures.
- We need to stop showing sport on TV because it could offend the uncoordinated and people who can’t play sport.
- Let’s stop asking for ID when entering a bar because that could be seen as ageist.
Pick a fight worth fighting
Finally, I get to my point…
Stop bringing race, gender, sexuality, hair colour and everything else into innocent things. The truth of the matter is that songs about sheep aren’t racist, gingerbread men aren’t sexist and ordering a black coffee doesn’t offend anyone except the person who goes into the toilet next.
You aren’t doing the world any favours by making a mockery of the true cause. Instead of bringing offence to a situation where no offence is meant, go and find a worthwhile cause that’s actually worth fighting for.
Fight for true gender equality. Fight for equal pay. Fight for racial equality. Fight for child protection. Fight for equal rights for homosexual couples. Fight to save the environment. Fight for protection of animals. Fight to make it illegal for Justin Bieber to release any more music.
Fight for anything, just make sure that it’s something worth fighting for.