The worst movies of 2014

Movies are a subjective thing; some people will watch a movie and love it whilst others will watch the same movie and hate it. One thing is certain though, we are all in agreement that the 10 movies on this list are shockers.

worst movies

Some movies make you want your time and money back, whilst others are so bad that they should have gone straight to DVD and those DVDs should have been burnt before leaving the factory.

This is a list of the 10 worst movies released in 2014, compiled from the review scores on Rotten Tomatoes. For the purpose of putting together this post, I sat through many hours of crap movies. And when I say sat through, I mean I watched them until I got bored, then fast-forwarded through to the end.

blended movie poster

10. Blended

I’m sure that Adam Sandler takes a shit onto a piece of paper and spreads it around with his hands before turning a camera on and acting out whatever dialogue he could make out written in the smeared shit. I think it’s too much to hope for that one day he might stop shitting onto pieces of paper, pull his head together and wake up to the fact that his movies suck. No surprises that Blended was a massive let down. I picked it before it was even released in this post about Adam Sandler.

Total box office: $46.3 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 14%

winters tale movie poster

9. Winter’s Tale

This movie was just an incoherent mess of random ideas cobbled together in a way which made no sense. Talking about things that made no sense, Colin Farrell’s choice of haircut was possibly the best thing about this movie and that’s only because it was so bad that it was good. Even the poster looks depressing.

Total box office: $12.6 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 13%

nut job movie poster

8. The Nut Job

I love a good, cutesy animated kids movie as much as the next person, unfortunately this wasn’t one to add to my DVD collection. It is full of clichéd characters, clichéd storyline and clichéd clichés. In fact, there are so many clichés in this movie that it seems appropriate for me to use a clichéd pun here…  you would have to be nuts to sit through the entire movie. Let’s just say that not only can you guess what’s going to happen next, but you can also guess the actual words that are about to come out of their mouths.

Total box office: $64.2 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 10%

vampire academy movie poster

7. Vampire Academy

This was yet another vampire movie aimed at teenagers. Rather than come up with something original though, instead it resembles a cheesy and ridiculous mash-up of Underworld, Twilight, Harry Potter, and Mean Girls. On top of that, it’s acted out by a load of pretty boys and girls who forgot to attend acting class. The movie sucked harder than any vampires could, and was more painful to sit through than a bite to the jugular.

Total box office: $7.8 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 9%

grace of monaco movie poster

6. Grace of Monaco

As if the poster wasn’t enough to give it away; this movie was boring. Plus it played out like one of those stupid artsy perfume commercials that never make sense. Now just extend that perfume commercial so it goes for a couple of hours and you can see why this movie is so bad. Actually, I would rather drink an entire bottle of perfume than sit through that mess again.

Total box office: $22 million worldwide

Rotten Tomatoes score: 9%

haunted house 2 movie poster

5. A Haunted House 2

Whilst watching this movie I invented a fun drinking game called “drink until you pass out before you press play, so that you don’t have to watch this movie“, unfortunately I didn’t invent the game until I’d already watched 10 minutes. There is a point where these stupid spoof movies stopped being funny and that point was back in 2003. I didn’t think it was possible to create an entire “comedy” movie without a single funny moment in 90 minutes of screentime, but amazingly I was proven wrong. there are only so many times that the same sex, fart and bodily fluid jokes can be used in movies. Stop, just stop, please stop, stop now, stop.

Total box office: $17.3 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 8%

are you here movie poster

4. Are You Here

I don’t really have much to say about this movie other than that it is more awkward than Owen Wilson’s nose. You know when you taste something really bad, and then you try to get other people to taste it just so you can have someone to commiserate with? Well this movie is so bad I wouldn’t even try to make you watch it. Hell, the actors even look bored on the poster.

Total box office: N/A

Rotten Tomatoes score: 7%

hercules movie poster

3. The Legend of Hercules

The action scenes look like they were choreographed and acted out by LARPers using their shitty home-made weapons. This movie would have been an hour shorter if they hadn’t used slow motion every single time anything happened on screen, and a shorter movie would undoubtedly be a good thing. In between the action scenes, the dialogue was so bad and clichéd that you would be forgiven for thinking whoever wrote this learnt English as a second language. Yesterday.

Total box office: $18.8 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 3%

i frankenstein movie poster

2. I, Frankenstein

This dull and uninspired CGI fest had absolutely no mind or effort put into it.  This movie ticks every box; shallow plot, bad dialog, abysmal acting, bad makeup, 6th grade CGI and to top it all off, a truly terrible title. I Frankenstein? Really? They might as well have called it “Frankenstein R Us” with a back-to-front R. At least it was in 3D so that made it awesome right? Well um, no! To be honest, I’d rather stare at the poster for 90 minutes.

Total box office: $19.1 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 3%

left behind movie poster

1. Left Behind

This movie wasn’t just bad, it was embarrassing. Even the SyFy channel could have cobbled together a better movie given a weeks notice, $20, and a packet of chewing gum to hold the sets together. I would rather spend 2 hours looking at Nicholas Cage memes on the internet than watch him try to act his way through this abysmal attempt at entertainment. This movie should have been left behind… in the bin. Which funnily enough, seems to be where Cage’s career is heading.

Total box office: $14 million

Rotten Tomatoes score: 2%

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I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

1 COMMENT

  1. I remember seeing the trailer for Winter’s Tale and thinking it looked weird but promising. Then I never heard anything about it again. I’m assuming this is why. I’m glad I didn’t actually shell out any money to see it.

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