Video game achievements in real life

Imagine if you could track your real life achievements the same as you could track your video game achievements.

Achievements are as much a part of video games as the game itself. Every time you do something for the first time, you get the sense of unrelenting joy when you see the trophy notification pop up in the corner of the screen. You feel like you have really achieved something when in all honesty, you probably haven’t.

Imagine if we could have video game achievements in real life. Just think of all the benefits. Well actually I can’t think of any benefits, but each achievement would come with points attached so that you can compare yourself to your friends for bragging rights.

If you think it sounds like a good idea, or you literally have nothing better to do than track your life instead of living it, check out Yep, whilst it doesn’t automatically track your life, it is actually a thing.

As in the video game equivalent, the level of trophy’s below are based on rarity whilst some are good and others are bad.

Bronze Trophy’s

Real Life Trophy - Being Born

Exit the Womb – Congratulations for being born, being cute, and crying a lot.

Got That Swagger – You’ve just learnt to walk.

I’m a Big Kid Now – You graduated from nappies to big boy pants, now you just have to learn to not pee the bed.

First Base – You’ve just upgraded from making out with a pillow and had your first kiss with a real person.

Social Butterfly – You opened your Facebook account.

But First, Let Me Take a Selfie – You uploaded your first selfie online without making a duckface.

What a Bitch – You upset somebody online.

Thats Disgusting – You just peed in the shower for the first time, don’t worry everybody does it.

Shoulda Used a Pencil – You just failed your first test in school.

Rebel Without a Cause – You drank your first beer whilst underage.

Ouch My Head – You’ve just experienced your first hangover.

Like a Sir – You took somebody out on a date, paid for everything and didn’t even get a kiss on the cheek.

Heartbroken – You had your heart broken for the first time and spent a week locked away in your bedroom.

No Rest for the Wicked – You got up on the first alarm without hitting snooze.

I See Dead People – You attended your first funeral.

Old Aged Pensioner – You’ve reached retirement age.

Your Dead – Game over, thanks for playing, click here to buy some DLC.

Silver Trophy’s

Real Life Trophy - Drunk

First! – You are now an internet asshole, congratulations on being the first person to comment “FIRST” on a forum post online, the entire internet must now bow down to you.

That’s Even More Disgusting – You just lost control of your bodily functions whilst drunk.

Check out my Wheels – You passed your drivers test and got your licence then laid a burnout to try and impress a girl.

Whoops! – You just crashed your first car whilst doing a burnout to try and impress a girl.

Strippers Have Feelings Too – You just visited your first strip club and didn’t get kicked out for touching.

Look But Don’t Touch – You just visited your first strip club and got kicked out for copping a feel.

Virgin Territory – You had sex for the first time and lasted for more than 10 seconds.

No Glove No Love – You had sex without a condom on a one night stand and now you’re having a baby with someone you hate.

That’s Itchy – You caught an STD, try not to scratch in public.

Break a Leg – You broke a bone in your body whilst acting like an idiot.

Good Work Genius – You graduated High School.

Animal Instincts – You just bought your first pet and it survived for more than a week.

All Night Bender – You’ve gone 24 hours without sleep.

Dey Took Our Jobs – You got your first job and are a participating member of society.

Can You Delete That Please – A video of you doing something embarrassing has just appeared online and its going viral.

Don’t Drop The Soap – You did the crime, now you have to do the time.

Gold Trophy’s

Real Life Trophy - Internet

Making it on Your Own – You just moved out of your parents house.

An Honest Day’s Work – You completed a full day at work without wasting any time on the internet.

Technologically Savvy – You traded in your iPhone and bought an Android.

My McMansion – You just bought a house and started on the property ladder.

HitchedGot married.

UnHitched – Got divorced.

Family Guy – You had sex without a condom and now you’re having a baby with someone you love.


Real Life Trophy - Famous

40 Year Old Virgin – You made it to your 40th birthday without having sex.

Kicking Goals – You just signed your first professional sports contract.

50 Cent – You survived being shot.

Make it Rain – You’ve just made your first million dollars.

Pop Icon – You had a single go to number 1 in the charts.

Kim Kardashian’s Ass – You are more famous than Kim Kardashian’s ass.

Good Morning Mr President – You became President.

Lord of War – You became leader of a Military Dictatorship.

Recluse – You bought your own private island.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.