Go home Australian politics… you’re drunk

Australian politicians are like caged gorillas in a zoo, constantly beating their chests and flinging shit at each other instead of doing something useful like running the country. Go home Australian politics... you're drunk!

Parliament House Canberra
Source: Wikipedia, JJ Harrison

I’m not here to make a political statement or take sides. I don’t want to talk about policy, I don’t want to talk about climate change, or the economy, or anything else. I just want to assess how completely fucked up politics in Australia is at the moment thanks to the group of clowns in Canberra who, in between all the petty fighting with each other, occasionally make a decision regarding the country.

I think I speak on behalf of most Australians (that common scum the aforementioned clowns were elected to lead) when I say that we’re sick of the shenanigans in Canberra. We’re sick of the self-entitled, disaffected and disgruntled politicians on both sides of the house, who put their own ambitions in sharp focus at detriment to the good of their party and the good of this country.

Irrespective of what side of politics you sit on, it is absolutely incredible that today our Federal leaders are in the process of overthrowing the third Australian Prime Minister in five years. In fact, if you become Prime minister of Australia, it’s probably a good idea to keep an eye on seek.com.au throughout your tenure.

The only thing this confirms is that our politicians are ALL useless and our political system is very broken. I can’t imagine this happening in England, or America!

You would think that the Liberals would have learned from the Rudd/Gillard debacle when Labor were in power, but it seems not. Our political system, which allows horrific infighting at the tax payers expense, has to stop. For goodness sake you’ve been elected in to power so get on with the bloody job and stop wasting our money you useless chest-beating, shit-slinging gorillas.

Australian politics needs an overhaul

Australian politics memeThe root of the problem lies in the massively flawed Australian political system.

Thanks to stupid preference rules and backroom deals, it doesn’t even matter who the public votes for in an election. The party with the most votes often doesn’t win. Independents with only a handful votes can win a seat, and a couple of politicians representing tiny outback electorates can hold the power to govern how the entire country is run. Seems just and fair doesn’t it?

Then there’s the problem with leaders. The Australian public has no say in who leads the party, thus who becomes Prime Minister and Opposition Leader. The people choose the party they want to lead and the party chooses a leader, who can be removed at any time.

The fact of the matter is that for anything to be successful, you need stability in leadership. Would Apple, Microsoft or Virgin be as successful as they are today if they were forever fighting and changing their CEO every year instead of getting on with the job of building the company?

Obviously a country needs to change leaders occasionally otherwise we would be in a North Koreanesque dictatorship bowing down to our supreme overlord. However, those leadership changes should only happen at an election and at those elections the people need to have the power to make a proper choice.

Why the hell can’t we throw it open during an election? Why can’t the public have two votes at the same time, one vote for the leader of the party and another for the party you want in power? To make it fair, your vote for the leader would only count if you also voted for that party. Or am I being too logical here?

In short: Stop fucking around and get on with the job you were elected to do.

How to settle a political dispute

Since we are all talking politics right now, tomorrow I’m going to figure out a better way to settle political disputes.


I’m an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.