Some movies are purposely bad, some are just plain lazy. SyFy movies are in a category of their own though, where the viewer is let unsure whether they are seriously trying hard or whether they are taking the piss.
All of these movies are funny, but not in the form of traditional comedy that you are used to seeing. There are no crazy characters or silly jokes. The real joke is in the acting, the directing, production design, and everything else.
That said, these terrible monster movies are an art form in themselves. I cant help but feel SyFy are running out of ideas for new monster movies, so I thought I would help them out.
How to create
a bad an awesome monster movie
SyFy Channel original movies seem to be obsessed with movies that feature sharks, or giant sharks, or mutant sharks, or robotic sharks, or prehistoric sharks, or snow sharks, alongside the occasional mutated creature, which is often part shark. Regardless of the monster of choice, they all have a tendency to wreak havoc on scantily clad women and are impenetrable to military hardware.
To help them break away from this trend, I have come up with some ideas below that don’t involve sharks. In fact, many involve cats.
I’ve even done some awesome Photoshopping because I’m sure thats all thats needed to put a pitch in to these people. If you put these potential movie ideas up on Kickstarter now, each movie could be finished inside of a week.
Bigfoot vs Alien Samurai Pizza Cats
The mythical Bigfoot is discovered by aliens using their advanced alien technology. They unwittingly unleash him onto the world so decide that they need to finish what they started by saving the planet from the hairy beast. This movie would be an instant hit thanks to the Alien Samurai Pizza Cats who have a knack for banter with their clever puns and insult comedy.
Massive Aardvark vs Monster Beagle
An aardvark and a beagle got struck by lightning while battling to the death in an underground animal fight club. The lightening strike made them both grow to a massive size. Have you ever seen a fight between an aardvark and a beagle? No, which is why this movie would be awesome. Bigger is better.
Zombie Nazi Cops from Outer Space
Zombies are everywhere right now, from video games through to TV and movies, so lets jump on the bandwagon. To put a new spin on the zombie genre, these ones are from outer space, and they are cops, and Nazi’s, with a pet flying cat which shoots lazers from its eyes. The fact that they are cops and Nazi’s makes them torn between good and evil… Did somebody say amazingly deep and meaningful layered storyline?!
Bikini Babe Summer Beach Party Monster Jam
It’s a well-known fact of movie making that you can double your viewing audience through the clever utilisation of bikini girls on a beach (this only works if they are displayed on all promotional materials though). This beach just happens to be next door to a nuclear waste dumping site which means we’re not limited to a single monster here but we can go all out with multiple monsters of varying degrees of terrifyingness (thats a word!) attacking our scantily-clad stars as they run through the water.
A genetically engineered Megapiranhacondagatorfrankenpussasaurus develops the ability to think freely and goes on a killing spree to seek vengeance against all of mankind for developing the technology to turn him/her/it into what him/her/it has become. This movie would be a massive hit based on just the title alone but for an added push, it features a cameo appearance by Grumpy Cat who, much like Paris Hilton in House of Wax, dies in a completly random and nonsensical way.
MegaWhale vs Chuck Norris Ninja Turtle
In an effort to revive his movie career, the indestructible Chuck Norris was involved in a military experiment gone wrong which transformed him into a Ninja Turtle. Michael Bay would be the director of choice because every time Chuck Norris Ninja Turtle punches or kicks something there has to be a giant explosion and sparks, followed by a cheesy one-liner.
Ghost Cockroaches from Hell
Because cockroaches are gross and giant cockroaches are grosser. After being stepped on by a terrified housewife, these cockroaches are out for revenge. They have just escaped from hell and are running rampage through the city destroying everything in sight. Oh, and they are ghosts so they can just disappear whenever they feel like it making them a terrifying force.
Robin Hood and the Killer Python
Just because Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor, doesn’t mean that he has a conscience about it. In this modern retelling of the Robin Hood tale, watch as he, alongside his pet killer python, take the rich corporations down. The python’s venom has aphrodisiac qualities leading to regular comedic scenes as people get bitten.
Giant Killer Jamaican Bunny Rabbit vs Tyrannosaurus Rex
The only thing more creepy and terrifying that a giant killer bunny rabbit, is a giant killer bunny rabbit with dreadlocks and a tendency to get high. Watch as the Giant Killer Jamaican Bunny Rabbit fights a slightly smaller Tyrannosaurus Rex and causes havoc in the streets of LA. sure, the Tyrannosaurus has teeth and a terrifying roar, but the Jamaican Bunny Rabbit has toxic fur and the power of reggae music on his side.
Godzilla vs Flying OctoSquid
Because sharks are boring now, the next obvious choice is an OctoSquid (smoking a cigar) because those bastards are smart, like really smart. In fact the only way to outsmart a giant super-smart OctoSquid would be to completely destroy it by sending Godzilla in to fight. So scientists find a way to summon Godzilla to fight on their behalf however Godzilla has a mind of his own and carnage ensues as he battles with the giant OctoSquid in the centre of a generic American city.