Nobody cares about the Oscars

If you watch the Oscars on TV, be honest with yourself. The only reason you're watching is in the vague hope that a nipple will slip out of someone's dress so that you can be the first person to Tweet about it.

the oscars awards

Celebrity award shows are crap. They are boring to hear about beforehand, they are boring to watch on TV and it is boring to see who wore what in the papers the next day. It starts with the Golden Globes and leads up to the Oscars in February.

The Oscars award ceremony is Hollywood’s most pretentious night. It is a self loving circle-jerk. A massively over-hyped excuse for attractive rich people to pat each other on the back whilst insincerely telling each other how great they are and how much the deserve to win.

My number 1 Oscars predication is that I won’t be watching the Oscars

The Oscars and the nominations are a joke

Lets look at this vote for the ‘best‘ films and actors of the year for a second. The awards are voted by The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS). A professional honorary organization, with a voting membership of 5,783 as of 2012. All of these people are rich, and the majority of them are middle-aged white males.

Why should we care if a load of snobby, overpaid celebrities voted for a particular movie or actor as the best? It doesn’t mean that it is actually any good, it just means that a couple of people on the other side of the world thought that it deserved to win.

Hell, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are listed as actors on IMDB, I hope to God that they are not eligible to vote because I doubt that they would even know how to spell ‘talent’, let alone know how to spot it.

Although at least the voting for the Oscars isn’t quite as much of an sham as the Golden Globes.

You sorta can’t buy an Oscar

There’s a saying that you “cannot buy an Oscar“. Apparently though you can buy the people who vote for the Oscars.

The movie studios start their ‘Oscar Campaign’ at least six months before the awards are voted, at a cost of tens of million of dollars. They do this to try and swing the vote of those in AMPAS who will then vote in a completely fair and unbiased way, based on which studios gave them the biggest bribe.

How can anybody take the Oscars seriously as an award for best talent, if those who are voting are wined, dined and schmoozed by studio executives in the hope that they vote for their film as the best for the year in a completely fair and unbiased way. It is complete and utter bullshit.

Red carpet fashion

oscars memeAccording to the media, everybody cares about the Oscars fashion. As far as I can see, the only people who care about Oscars fashion are the media.

Every year it is the same; all the guys (and Ellen DeGeneres) will wear a suit and tie. Its easy, they all look identical to each other and nobody cares or pays them any attention.

The woman on the other hand, are are completely over-hyped. The media will talk about the dresses they are wearing in the days leading up to the event and then keep it going for weeks afterwards. Nobody ever mentions that they are only wearing the dress because that designer is the one paying them the most money.

Everybody will say that everybody else looks great, but it is really only about one thing; who can get on the cover of the most magazines and get their designer the most coverage so that next year they will be paid even more money to wear something. Does anybody really believe that Angelina Jolies leg from the other year wasn’t a clever PR stunt? I wouldn’t be surprised if she had an entire team of people who worked to get the images and associated memes going viral on the internet.

Oscars speeches

The best acting of the year occurs doesn’t happen in the films, but happens during the awards ceremony itself. When each award is announced, everybody claps, cheers and feigns excitement for the winner. Lets not forget that these people are all professional actors, therefore they are great at covering up their anger that their studio didn’t pay enough money to buy them the win.

The celebrity who has the best PR team and most money backing them, will then take to the stage and do a lot of ummmmmm-ing in between thanking their friends, family and everybody else they know for the win before being drowned out by the orchestra.

The orchestra do this because the people running the show have worked out the optimum length of time that people can sit in boredom for before turning over the TV channel. They have then instructed the orchestra to start at the optimum time to ensure that the ‘winner’ is forced off the stage and people don’t change the channel.

If you watch it on TV, be honest with yourself. The only reason you are watching is in the vague hope that a nipple will slip out of someone’s dress so that you can be the first person to Tweet about it.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.