There are plenty of Australian stereotypes that people believe, however many of them are simply untrue.
When we aren’t fighting off drop bears, snakes the size of trees and koalas that want to rip our eyeballs our with their claws, we occasionally find the time to partake in polite conversation with each other.
The Australian language takes a little bit of study to fully understand. It gets a bit confusing because everybody here is called either Bruce or Sheila, therefore we commonly refer Bruce’s and Shiela’s we are mates with as c**t and Bruce’s and Shiela’s we don’t like as mate. It’s a strange yet wonderful thing.
I moved to Australia about 15 years ago so I’ve had to learn how to incorporate each of these stereotypical Australian phrases into everyday conversations.
How to speak like a sterotypical Australian
Please ensure that whilst reading these, you put on your best Aussie accent.
= Hello, how are you today?
This standard Australian greeting isn’t a question which requires an answer other than to ask “Aouyagoin?” back. Contrary to popular belief it’s far more commonly used than g’day mate. If you pass a kangaroo in the street, it’s law to tilt your cork hat and say “Aouyagoin?” and depending on how domesticated the kangaroo is they will often reply with the same.
= Well I’ll be damned, that is extremely good
Bloody oath is often used by the common Australian bogan to express an extreme such as “bloody oath that was good/ bad/ amazing/ stupid/ smelly/ loud/ old/ young/ cold/ hot” etc.
= Yes that’s fair and just
Fair dinkum can describe a persons character, an object or anything else really. All you need to know is that fair dinkum is used when something or somebody is trustworthy and legitimate. For example “fair dinkum, everything in Australia is upside down”.
He’s a true blue Aussie
= He is legitimate Australian person
The wild true blue Aussie is a rare sight but can occasionally be spotted drinking beer in the street whilst wearing a flannelette shirt, a cowboy hat with corks on it and a pair of worn out thongs on their feet (Aussie thongs are shoes, not one of those tiny cotton things that ride up your asscrack).
I need to drop a log in the dunny
= I need to do a poo in the toilet
For some strange reason, Australians like to talk about bodily functions quite a lot which is why we often tell our mates where we are going and what we are going to do. It isn’t uncommon for a serious business meeting to be put on hold for 5 minutes because somebody has stood up and told everyone in the room “I need to drop a log in the dunny”.
It’s just south of Whoop-Whoop
= It’s in the middle of nowhere
It took me a number of years to learn this, but Whoop-Whoop isn’t actually a geographic location, it refers to anywhere that’s the middle of nowhere. Yes, I actually typed Whoop-Whoop into my GPS.
= Yes, that’s completely fine, I can do that for you.
A common phrase used to signify agreement on something. This is one of the most overused phrases in the Australian language and is often used to signify that you have no problem doing something for somebody.
Oi c**t, do ya wanna go on a Maccas run for a feed
= Excuse me friend, do you want to drive to McDonald’s for lunch?
McDonald’s is the most popular and classiest chain of restaurants in Australia. They serve traditional Australian dishes such as spider burgers, crocodile steak and kangaroo nuggets with a side of traditional Australian French-fries via a drive through window. Due to the size of Australia, a quick drive to the local McDonald’s can take anywhere from 2 days to a week.
Rack off mate
= Please leave me alone, I don’t like you
This is a common Australian phrase used to request that somebody leaves you alone. If the warning isn’t taken seriously, it could end up in fight. Notice use of the word “mate” here as referring to somebody you don’t like. This draws attention to the need to listen to the tone and context of how it is said.
She’ll be right mate
= Everything will be OK my friend
Often used to signify that everything is going to be OK. She can refer to a female, a male, an inanimate object, or anything in between. In this case, mate refers to a friend (remember that tone and context are important).
That bloke’s got tickets on himself
= That man really loves himself
Bloke is Aussie slang for man. Having tickets on yourself is a expression of self admiration or excessively bragging about things, such as how brave you were to strangle that giant killer spider with your bare hands.
They are having a blue
= They are having a fight
I know it’s confusing, but here in Australia, the word blue is interchangeable to mean many different things. In this example it could mean having an argument or having a physical fight. Occasionally the word blue can actually be used to describe the colour blue.
Turn it up mate
= Please stop talking, you’e exaggerating and I don’t believe you
This is a common comeback used when one Australian doesn’t believe something another Australian is saying such as whilst bragging about the size of shark they wrestled, the strength of the crocodile they fought or how venomous the snake bite they survived was.
What grog do you want, goon or a schooner?
= What alcohol would you like me to purchase for you, wine or beer?
The Australian economy is built on being able to drink anybody under the table at any time. In fact, many of the biggest business and political decisions have been made at a traditional Australian Monday morning breakfast piss-up. Grog is a common term for alcohol, goon is often used to describe cheap wine, and schooner is a measurement of beer slightler smaller than a pint. Although I’m not quite sure why anybody would order a smaller beer.
You little ripper
= That was excellent
This phrase is often use to describe anything. Its commonly used to describe a great meal such as nice juicy spider burger, or a brilliant goal in football.
You missed it you dumb c**t, chuck a quick u-ey
= You’ve missed the turn my friend, could you please perform a u-turn as soon as possible
As previously explained, the c-bomb is generally used in Australia to refer to a friend, although careful attention needs to be paid to the tone because it can also be used to describe somebody you don’t like. Whilst driving, if you missed the turn you may wish to go back in the other direction by performing a u-turn.
Chuck another shrimp on the barbie
Yeah nobody here actually says that because barbecues are for giant manly steaks not seafood.