Woman to marry a tree… It must tree love

You know the age old story? Woman meets tree. Woman falls in love with tree. Woman marries tree.

woman and tree
Source: Twitter

Part of what makes life great is the fact that everybody is different. People are straight, gay, bisexual, and everything in between. That’s all pretty normal because it’s humans forming relationships with other humans.

Occasionally though you find somebody who’s into something that the rest of us would call, well, strange.

One such story has gone viral on social media today. It features a 31 year old woman has found love with a tree named Tim and says it’s the best sex she’s ever had.

Here’s a direct quote from the article;

“He fulfils my emotional and sexual needs. I orgasm by rubbing against the bark naked. I love the feeling of skin-on-bark contact, which gives me a more pleasurable pain sensation, and the feel of his leaves against my skin makes me tingle. I have sex with him every week — it’s the best I’ve ever had!”

According to news reports, Emma says she’s fallen head over heels with the sturdy poplar tree and she’s happy after a string of disastrous relationships.

Groot?

Emma isn’t alone though, this isn’t the first time somebody has fallen in love with an inanimate object.

No pun intended

Alright, so the real reason I posted this was because I just had too many awesome puns sitting in my head that I wanted to share!

  • I wonder if she’s kept a log of their growth as a couple…
  • They are getting married but the question is can they commit to each other forest of their lives…
  • Do you think she likes his morning wood…
  • I bet he’s a good root…
  • Maybe for her hens night she’ll go out to a forest…
  • I hope he doesn’t take her fir granted…
  • After their first winter together he was releaved…
  • He probably just wants her to leaf him alone…
  • At least he is a good listener…
  • Do you think they met on Tinder Timber…
  • I bet she hates that he just shoots and leaves…
  • Do you think they will have a treesome…
  • Did anyone think to ask Tim how he feels? Maybe he’d like a nice bush…
  • Do you think she finds him a bit shady…
  • OK I’m out of ideas now, I’m stumped…
  • I’ll leaf them alone now…

In all seriousness though, if it makes her happy to marry a tree then good luck to her and I wish her all the best!

♫ It must tree love… love… love… ♫

SHARE
I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

2 COMMENTS

  1. When reading the article about people who married inanimate objects, I cringed so hard I almost snapped a few bones. Especially when I read the term “object partner.” I hope these aren’t recognized by law or else I’m going to have to snag one of those trips to Mars and get off this crazy planet.

  2. I tried to read the article but all my brain would let me see was the sentence “she’s got a raw vagina” over and over again.

Comments are closed.