Stupid celebrity baby names

I don't have any kids. When I do have kids though, I will be sure to pick a name that I like, that my partner likes, and most importantly, a name that isn't going to embarrass the kid once they are old enough to develop hate for their parents.

Kim and Kanye

The most irritating person on the planet, Kim Kardashian and and the happiest man in entertainment, Kanye West, have just had their second child and no surprises here, the kid has a stupid name. Saint.

I supposed we can be thankful that he didn’t name him Messiah. At least they don’t have delusions of grandeur or anything. Is it even possible to cannonise your own kid?

They called their first kid North which was bad enough, but Saint? Hopefully Saint can save us all from her parents. The poor children don’t only have to spend their lives with Kanye telling them that he can do their school work better than them, but will also face ridicule whenever anybody asks their names.

Children who have their name spelling constantly questioned or incorrectly written can develop low self esteem or get bullied by other children. Parents should think of the child first not their own desire for a peculiar name that stands out.

The thing is, they aren’t the only people to give their baby a completely moronic name.

Stupid names

babJust like Kanye and Kim, dipshit famous people like to grab any bit of attention they can, so why not use the birth of your child to create some headlines irrespective of the total mindfuck of a time your kid is going to have whenever they meet anybody.

Gwen Stefani called her child Zuma Nesta Rock for reasons beyond comprehension.

Jason Lee named his child Pilot Inspektor as possibly a future career choice? Who knows.

Bob Geldof has a child called Fifi Trixiebell which sounds more like something in a Disney movie.

Michael Jackson named his kid Blanket because why the hell not.

Woody Allen named his child Satchel, that’s the same as calling your kid Fannypack.

Then possibly my favorite name for a child ever comes from David Duchovny and Tea Leoni who named their kid um… Kyd. Thats just plain ass lazy, like naming your dog Dog.

Battlecruiser, Wombat, Heaven-Lee, Apple, Moonboot, Rage, Gypsy… Just pick the first thing you see and name your child that.

If you are thinking of giving your child a stupid name there are plenty of different ways you can do it.

Combining names

Don’t want something standard? Then why not combine two completely unrelated names. I’m not making this up, people actually do this.

Veronica and John becomes Vejonica.

John and Angie becomes Anjoh.

Can’t decide between Gavin and Stephen, why not call your child Gavphen.

Removing letters

Yes, this is a thing too. Just like writing don’t instead of do not, you can remove letters from names as well, because everybody wants to make a grammatical statement with their name.

Why settle for Justin when you can call your child Just’n, or Thomas when you can have T’mas, or Alison when you can just use Alis’n. The amount of printer ink saved over the course of a lifetime makes it worthwhile.

Uniquely spelt baby names

Sure, theres nothing wrong with being a bit creative with the name you give your child, but imagine spending the next 80 years telling every single person you meet how to spell your name.

Amy is not spelt Eighmeye, Brittany isn’t spelt Brithaneigh, John isn’t spelt Johhwan, and Paul isn’t spelt Pahaul.

For fuhucks sake, think of the poor child.

Celebrity baby names

It doesn’t matter how much you like a celebrity, please don’t ever name your kid Beyonce, Redfoo, Madonna or Shakira.

On the positive side, at least they wont have trouble registering for usernames on the internet.

SHARE
I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.

1 COMMENT

  1. Officer- “What’s your name sir?”
    Citizen- “Uh, it’s North West”
    Officer-“This isn’t a joke, what’s your NAME sir!”
    Citizen-“It’s North West!”
    Officer-“Alright take him to jail, he’s not cooperating, he thinks this is a game I guess”

Comments are closed.