Put my food on a plate and stop serving it on stupid shit

Thanks in no small part to the abundance of cooking shows on TV these days, everybody seems to want to be a quirky chef and nobody is happy just putting some decent food onto a plate any more. Remember... It's all about the presentation.

meal in a pan

I went out for a meal in a nice restaurant the other day. At least I thought it was a nice restaurant until they served my meal in a shoe. No word of a lie, I had chips and a piece of fish shoved inside an old shoe and served to me by a waitress who looked somewhat embarrassed by the whole thing.

You see, the pretentious chef inside the kitchen can hide away from the embarrassment of serving up a meal in a shoe whilst thinking he is some kind of cross between Heston Blumenthal and Michelangelo. The poor people serving the food are the ones who look like idiots and have to face the looks of confusion from customers.

It’s not called Shoeing up, Basketing up, or Boarding up, it’s called Plating up for a reason. The only “wow factor” they get is the wow I can’t believe some dickhead has served my food in a shoe factor.

Now call me old fashioned but I like my food to be served on a plate. If I’m eating a pizza or a burger I’ll even take it on a wooden board. But only if it doesn’t fall off the side. If it does, I’ll make sure that some of the sauce gets falls onto their nice carpet.

I’m all for a bit of creativity with food and I enjoy something a lot more if it’s nicely presented, however trying to be quirky by putting a piece of fish inside a shoe isn’t quirky nor is it clever, it’s fucking stupid and irritating.

  1. How is a shoe in any way related to a piece of fish?
  2. Who the hell puts their shoes on the table?
  3. Unless you have an uncontrollable foot fetish who wants to think of feet whilst eating?
  4. Are old shoes the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about hygiene?
  5. How do you wash the shoes between customers?

When did this whole aversion to plates begin? It’s like a high school kid trying to impress his classmates by coming up with something completely idiotic during a cooking class project so that all his mates will laugh… except I can only assume these so-called chefs are being serious.

We don’t want food served on whatever thing you found in the garden this morning. We don’t want food served on an old item of household furniture, and we definately don’t want food served inside of a piece of clothing.

After looking online, I discovered that this isn’t a random thing. A lot of people are becoming annoyed by the way some of these pretentious douchey restaurants are serving food that they have set up

Take a look at these from the Twitter account WeWantPlates which is fighting the good fight for plates everywhere.


I don’t care whether the plate is black, white, yellow, purple, blue, pink or green JUST PUT MY FOOD ON A FUCKING PLATE!

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.


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