Self-entitled online reviews

Small business owners pour their entire life and soul into running their business. Bad reviews for totally stupid reasons can damage a persons business and destroy their dream. Don't be a dick.


Wherever there is a place online for the public to leave reviews, whether its on Yelp, Facebook or any other online platform, you’re going to find self-entitled, arrogant and delusional keyboard warriors taking vengeance on a business via their computers

If something tiny and insignificant has slightly marred the opportunity for you to have a 100% perfect night out, current thinking dictates that you should get online and have a rant about the venue like you’ve never been more angry about anything in your life and it’s the single worst place in existence. Forget the fact that everything else was perfect.

Some people see the opportunity for a review as a God-given right to display some of the dumbest of the dumb, lowest common denominator, self-important, douchebaggery you’ll find anywhere on the internet.

Rating something 1 star out of 5 is perfectly fine if you caught a disease there, a member of staffed stabbed you with a knife, if the food was moldy, or if the staff took a shit in your food before putting in down in front of you. If none of those things happened then get off your high horse and don’t be an asshole.

Get off your high horse

If you go somewhere and don’t like it because they don’t have options that they are under no obligation to have, don’t be a dick about it. Step away from the keyboard, take a step back and look at the situation.

old man yells at cloud simpsonsIf a burger place doesn’t have many vegetarian options, don’t give it a 1 star review, go to a fucking vegetarian restaurant instead. I wouldn’t go to a vegetarian restaurant then complain about their lack of delicious meaty cheeseburgers. It’s as stupid as going to a mosque and complaining that they didn’t have any Bibles, or complaining that Ferrari don’t cater to people looking to spend $15,000 on a car.

If you have a kid who is screaming and running around a restaurant crashing into tables and generally acting like a little turd, if the owner asks you to leave, that’s perfectly acceptable. They are running a business and have to think of the needs of all their customers not just you.

If you’re drunk and causing a nuisance in a bar which causes you to get kicked out, that is also perfectly acceptable, in fact its the law. Don’t then jump online and give the place 1 star because they cut you off and made sure you don’t finish the night getting your stomach pumped.

If you couldn’t get a table at a popular restaurant, don’t then jump online and give the place a 1 star review because you were to stupid to book. It’s still a 5 star venue, you are just a dick.

Then there are the ones who go to the next level and recruit all their mommy/ vegetarian/ drunk friends from across the internet and tell them all to give the place 1 star rating because they were so hard done by. Joining one of these online armies and giving a venue you’ve never even been to a 1 star rating for any reason makes you a complete fucking douchebag.

If reviewers don’t give a place a bad rating because of something insignificantly stupid, then they will dock points for completely irrelevant things such as not liking the wallpaper, the colour of the chairs, or something else completely unrelated to why you actually went there in the first place.

Imagine if you ran your own business where you pride yourself on exceptional service whilst making sure the price is on-point, but people gave you a rating of 3 out of 5 because they didn’t like the colour of the carpet in reception.

Think about what you are doing

People seem to struggle with giving a fair number of stars. There is an option to give anywhere from 1 to 5 stars for a review, however people generally give either 1 star or 5 stars, there’s no middle ground.

The trouble is that a lot of people won’t read into the content of the reviews on a page. Instead, they will quickly glance and see an average rating which is far lower than it should be. Giving out 1 star ratings can have a detrimental impact on restaurants.

Sure, it’s totally up to you if you want to be a shithead, but remember that people, especially small business owners, pour their entire life and soul into running their business. Bad reviews for totally stupid reasons can damage a persons business and destroy their dream.

Don’t be a dick.

I'm an ex breakfast radio DJ who no longer hosts a breakfast radio show so I created this website to give myself somewhere new to make jokes and rant about life, pop culture, celebrities and stupid people.


  1. Sometimes I go to reviews on unpopular yet kinda cool apps, small businesses, new hotels, the like, and just read the 1-2 star reviews and laugh at how assholish people are. One time someone gave a hotel one star because they didn’t have a make your own waffle machine, and then when the hotel earned enough (I guess) to get two or three, the same person gave it one star (again) because the waffles weren’t thick enough. Another time, an app got one star because the self proclaimed “critic” (he actually called himself an official critic, even though his username was something like “SlicedButter69” [Not kidding]) didn’t like that the main character was black and told that he’d keep it at one until the character had a customizable skin tone.

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