Here are ten really annoying things that need to be banned from the internet.
Bait and switch videos
Its getting harder and harder to find videos of things you actually want to watch. Instead you click on a thumbnail of a video with a clickbait title only to see 10 minutes of Mr Attention Whore staring at a camera talking about how he feels about whatever it is you’re trying to watch. Drop your ego down a few pegs.
Photos of celebrities pretending to care
Occasionally celebrities like to leave the confines of their $20 million mansions and visit the great unwashed for a photo opportunity. These photos tend to go viral as they showcase what great people they are, when in fact the large majority of them are nothing more than a photo op and a chance for people to pat them on the back and tell them how good they are due to their ’causes’.
We get it, your reproductive organs work, but we don’t need to know every single little detail about you baby’s bowel movements and the last time it drank milk. I’m constantly surprised at home mommy bloggers are able to create entire posts around nothing.
Social media activism and hashtagtivism
Whether curing a child from cancer by liking a photo on Facebook, or stopping an international warlord using a hashtag (did we every find Kony?). Obviously social media can be a very powerful tool for activism and sharing important messages, unfortunately a token gesture on social media doesn’t achieve shit.
Like, follow and share requests
If you enjoyed my video remember to tell everyone, like, follow and share, get it tattooed across your forehead and name your first-born child after me. You don’t need to desperately say this in the video or post it in the description, we get it! This is especially annoying when the video is crap.
Content thieves are the worst; they take other peoples video, both personal and corporate, then upload it to their own account with no reference to the original poster. There are plenty of examples around but FatJew in particular has been singled out for doing this.
Non-prank prank videos
Pulling a gun on a random stranger in the street before stealing their phone and running off then yelling “IT’S ONLY A PRANK BRO” isn’t a prank. I’ve covered this in detail before.
Posting on social media instead of Googleing
How do I change a car tire? How do I fix my computer? How do I function like a normal adult? Fucking Google it, don’t post it on Facebook and wait an hour for one of your stupid friends to give you a detailed response.
You’ll never believe what happens next. Nor will I ever care. Buzzfeed inspired sensationalist clickbait is misleading, deceptive, annoying and the content is always terrible. If you post clickbait articles online you are a prick.
Lists with a different item on every page
Instead of putting everything on a single page, these sites put each item on a new page so that they get more pageviews and more ads shown. It wouldn’t be so bad if each page only had the content, but they cram so many ads in there as well that it takes forever to load and you will inevitably click on an advert by mistake. By the third page most people have probably already left the site.